Regrets

[Lostmymind11]

So after going through the whole reporting to the police, losing my home, dealing with social services. Once its all over does anyone ever regret leaving their abusive ex or got back with them? I'm having a really down day today. I miss my nice house/garden, i miss my old car, i miss going on holidays and never having money worries. Its got to the point i'm debating seeing if he will take me back. I just feel like i can't do this anymore and it was all a mistake and i should never have reported him and just kept quiet. I feel like i've ruined my kids lives and i can't forgive myself for it

Do you miss the abuse? Because it will be ten times worse if you do this. Everyone has down days when relationships end but going back to an abuser is madness when you have done all the hard work. If one of your children was being abused by their spouse and came to you for guidance, would you tell them to just suck it up? Sometimes in life you have to go backwards before you move forwards but you also have to be strong which you have already demonstrated. Keep strong, keep moving forwards.

When you think these thoughts, just remind yourself that if you'd stayed you don't know how much longer you'd actually be alive with him around to enjoy all these things. He would have escalated the abuse, and if you go back to him he will make you and your children pay for what you did. Your kids value a safe home environment without arguing/fighting/abuse more than holidays and nice things. You did the right thing and in time you'll realise it, allow yourself to grieve for the hopes and dreams you had, but never ever go back.

Today is just one day. Allow yourself to feel down / grieve.

Tomorrow pull your big girl pants up and look forward not back.

Police and SS involvement is serious fucking shit & outweighs all the material stuff.

Your health and happiness and that of your childrens is priceless.

No I've never regretted it. I lost things but I took myself off to university in my forties and forged a career for myself. I now have my own home and can afford holidays if I want them.
The sky is the limit you just need to make it happen.
Nothing on earth would persuade me to go back to the abuse. Its normal to mourn for the comfortable life you once had but in the end no amount of money compensates for abuse. I'd rather live in a tent than go back to that.

Have you or have you not removed an abusive person from your children's lives?

(if I was a child) I would give up nice holidays, big house money etc all those luxury if my mum was in your position.
I'm sure your kids would prefer you safe . You're teaching them to stand up to abusers, I think that's amazing.

"@Lostmymind11 I miss my nice house/garden, i miss my old car, i miss going on holidays and never having money worries".

These are all things you can now achieve for yourself and independently. You and your children are safe and will be happy and safe.

You can have all those things again without him. Don’t let a bad day cloud your judgement, I wish you all the best for your future. X

This is not unusual and often a result of the conditioning abusers have inflicted on the abused partner.
We have a tendancy to focus on nostalgia but the reality is much different.
This is why so many people struggle to break the cycle and either dont leave or continue to return.
Leaving an abusive ex doesnt end when you leave - some talking therapy is usually very beneficial. Have you had any support from psychology? Therapy? I would really reccomend it. Xxx

It’s normal to have the odd day (or week) like this. It’s ok to feel sad. It wasn’t a mistake though. Take one step at a time, you’re already doing great!! Recognise that.

what you feel is totally understandable. You need a support of a good therapist to find it within yourself to be able to go out and get a real sense of security back, one that comes from within. and confidence to get all the things you used to have and didn’t deserve to lose back one day x

I lost my big house etc etc

I will never tire of putting the chain on my door and night and knowing me any children are safe and free from abuse .

That is priceless .