What's your thoughts please.

[northerngirl1987]

In October I started dating and things were going great, we enjoyed each others company and he was making just as much as effort as I was and it felt natural and effortless and we started getting closer then he goes distance. He has since admitted that he only came out of a relationship in September where he had his heart broken, he hasn't given himself time to heal and felt like me and him was too much too soon after his breakup and he's not emotionally available right now.
I fully understand and I have been paitent, I have even told him that I will leave it up to him to let me know when he wants to see me again as I don't want to be pushy. However I wish I had known all of this from the start as I would have kept my walls up too, my head is saying walk away your investing in someone who isn't going to give anything back and your going to get badly but my heart is saying this has potential to be something special and I should just give him time.

How did this discussion come about - did you ask why he's not affectionate, and this was his explanation? Or did he start it of his own accord?
(Sounds like a dead end either way, tbh.)

He is being honest with you by telling you now, and if he wants to back off completely there is no magic move ypu can make in order to get him back. Why would you want breadcrumbs?

Holding onto false hope that he will come round will hurt you so you got that right. Go off him, allow yourself time to heal and get back out there.

He has told you how he feels so this is not a test nor a challenge to see how committed you are, or if you should chase his affection, that would be a massive red flag. Just cool it off and let him be l would advise. Just like you suggested.

He explained to me after apologizing for being distance with me then told me why. But before that he was all I can't wait to see again, I'm excited where this is going etc etc then he's like sorry but I feel like I'm in quicksand and it's too much too soon. I feel like there's something there but he's holding back because he's scared but at the same time I don't want my time wasted. If he has been honest from the start I wouldn't have allowed myself to get feelings although we have been rational and level headed, no lovebombing or rushing things.

The thing is, you don't know him well enough to guess whether he's being honest with you and this is just temporary - or if he's always going to be like this, or is even up to something (thinking about getting back with ex, or whatever).
It's not been long. Is it worth taking a risk after this short time?

A good tip is to stay away from people who make your head do one thing and your heart do another.

Unless you like the feeling?

I really feel for you. I had the exact thing happen many years ago - met a lovely guy who seemed everything I wanted, went on a few dates only for him to confess he wasn't over his ex. I was devastated. Unfortunately it never went anywhere after that. I also wished he had been honest at the start but I suspect such guys want to fool themselves that they are over their ex...until they can't. It's horrible but I think you're wise to try and move on.

Oh don't put up with bollocks like that. It's such a classic dick-move.

Keep you hanging, feeling sorry for him cos he's so 'hurt', available for him to bed when he feels like it without any comeback if you feel used.

Don't waste your time. Get back on the apps or wherever.

Could you be the Other Woman & he’s gone back to her?

Do yourself a massive favour and draw a line under it and move on otherwise you’ll be left hanging and hoping indefinitely.

sounds like he love bombed you.

OP I was dating a man since June and it was going so well. Then he dropped me out of the blue in November, I was and still am devastated.

His ex wife had cheated on him 5 years ago and it seems he's never got over it, and "never wants to be hurt again". So wasn't willing to take the next step with me.

I did know this history from the start but convinced myself that we'd work out and that he'd be able to move on from his past. I truly wish I hadn't wasted my time and efforts, he has left me absolutely broken.

I'd bet his ex got back in touch and he is seeing what pans out, don't wait around and don't be available when it all goes wrong

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, I have wondered if there's someone else because he's gone from we get on great and I see a future to bearly messaging, I messaged him yesterday at half 5 last night and it was nearly 6 tonight before he replied. I don't want him to message 24/7, I believe in being independent in a relationship but he used to be I can't wait to hear from you,I get excited to see a message from you and now even when he does message it's very casual and more like friends there's no flirting etc, we should still be in the honeymoon phase and ripping each others clothes.
So I'm walking away because it's only going to end badly for me, I know my worth xx