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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do, sisters dh

7 replies

Bettyboo80 · 11/01/2023 11:55

Never been keen on sisters DH, some narcisstic tendencies but we all get on ok. However she's had trust issues with him before, nothing huge, but where he's been a bit flirty in texts ages ago.

over Christmas he was been sly with his phone, acting strange and looked to be hiding messages when she walked in the room. Long story short it's come to light he's been messaging one of her friends "offloading". Aparently Nothing more to it(hmm) but it's hurt her and she suspects more to it and he's lying. Obviously she has been very upset over this and it's affected her mental health over Christmas. She feels betrayed and questioning things. This isnt even a close friend, more of an acquaintance who she chats to more than him. The worst bit is apparently he's told her he's mentioned her health issues to her friend which is out of order, personal and I'd say crossing a line. You don't talk about your wife to another woman. I'm fuming about it. Things kicked off and they have spoken together about It all, but it's destroyed her trust now.
However it's not as easy as just LTB.. they have a child with complex Sen and she relies on him financially as dosent work atm. Anyone going or been through it and what did you do. I just want to be there for her.
It'll likely happen again won't it...

OP posts:
Bettyboo80 · 11/01/2023 11:59

Wanted to add at the end but pressed send too soon,.....is this over reacting over it? I don't feel it is.

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 11/01/2023 12:00

I’ve no advice to give, but well done OP for being ready to help your sister. She and her DC will need you.

yousexybugger · 11/01/2023 12:09

You're not Overreacting, he should not have been discussing her health with another woman. Could have been trying to lay the groundwork for a sympathy shag.

His reaction here is important. How has he explained his behaviour, and what has he said will change in future?

Does the DC's condition preclude her from working long term? If not then that might be something to work towards, or to make sure she's getting all possible benefits. She shouldn't feel trapped with this man even if they resolve this episode

Bettyboo80 · 11/01/2023 12:21

Thank you
Yes it does unfortunately. She is the main carer for their SEN daughter, I do know she could get carers etc . It's really hard. I agree with what you have said also.
They haven't been getting on great for a while things up and down and some of his behaviour (nothing aggressive or anything but other stuff ) it's all been getting her down, then this happened this was a last straw for her and she's finding it difficult to move on from. It could just all be innocent chatting, but it's messed with her head. One is the fact he lied he was chatting to someone when she saw him swipe out of a convo, if he's lied he was doing that then what else could be lie about. He showed her some of the text and she was moaning about her kids playing up.
I'm very defensive for her because I was abused and cheated on years ago.

OP posts:
Bettyboo80 · 11/01/2023 12:24

They had a big bust up, then it calmed down. He has apologised and said that's all it was, just chatting about life and kids, but I'm not convinced. I don't like it. I don't know why but I just don't . You know when your intuition just rings...

OP posts:
Bettyboo80 · 11/01/2023 14:45

Ofcourseshecan · 11/01/2023 12:00

I’ve no advice to give, but well done OP for being ready to help your sister. She and her DC will need you.

Thank you. We are very close

OP posts:
Pickledprune · 12/01/2023 15:56

This isn't good OP. Has he done stuff like this before?

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