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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Aggressive husband

22 replies

Margot1029 · 11/01/2023 09:04

So I’ve been with my husband 2 years, and have an 11 week old baby.
i thought he was the love of my life and he really swept me off my feet after a long relationship with abuse in the past. I really left me guard down and let him in after vowing to never get into a relationship again.
everything has been fine, he’s a good man, slightly selfish and I do see controlling and manipulating traits but I pull him up on this immediately.
however, this morning I woke up and he was on his phone in bed, I’m sure he was hiding it behind the duvet and then he switched to a game, so I’m not stupid. I said to him about it and he exploded! Called me a rat, and that he’s sick of my sh*t. He then thumped me and shoved me in the back. He went silent then after 5 mins continued and I said ‘you were making a barrier with the duvet!’ With that, he got in my face and was furious and at this point I was genuinely scared.
I haven’t spoken to him since, it’s just silent but I’ve text him and asked him to leave asap as I have zero tolerance.
I feel ashamed and broken, have I done the correct thing or have I overreacted?

OP posts:
Original poster
Margot1029 · 11/01/2023 09:05

Just to add he even said to me ‘go and lay on your back for someone else!’ This has really hurt me and I think is very personal 😭

OP posts:
Littlefish · 11/01/2023 09:10

'He thumped me and shoved me in the back'

So he abused you.

He will do it again.

Make plans to keep yourself and your baby safe and leave him.

Opaljewel · 11/01/2023 09:30

Not overreacting. Get rid. You deserve peace and happiness. You and your baby.

Nonagainst · 11/01/2023 09:33

Call the police. Honestly. Make a note of this. Protect yourself and your baby. If you don’t want to call the police, call your doctor or at least someone. Get him out the house. Do you own the house yourself? Or is it joint? I only ask as you can change the locks if you solely own it but can if he does too. Please let us know you’re ok x

Powerplant · 11/01/2023 09:34

You have done the correct thing and are definitely not over reacting. What sort of ‘D’ H reacts/speaks to their wife like that?

Original poster
Margot1029 · 11/01/2023 09:44

I’m fine. He’s currently the other side of the house and I’m sat with the baby. He has never been like this before, hence the writing a post on here. Thank you all for your replies. At least I’m not thinking I seem crazy for how I feel! ❤️

OP posts:
LittleLillie · 11/01/2023 10:05

He hit you and then verbally abused you, because you caught him out.

Do not let your child grow up in an abusive home, call the police and have him removed.

Gricheynewyear · 11/01/2023 10:29

Are you married (I know you said dh but sometimes people use that when not married). Who owns the house?
If you have been together 2 years then I guess you have been married a very short time so if you have assets you need to take legal advice quickly.
If you Report to the police you may be able to have him removed and kept away for your safety.

IncompleteSenten · 11/01/2023 10:34

He hit you and verbally abused you.

It happened once, it will happen again.

You need to report his attack on you to the police. It is important that it is recorded.

If he refuses to leave, do you have anywhere you can go?

Tiny2018 · 11/01/2023 11:59

Get rid OP, this man doesn't t even like you, let alone love you. He's treated you appallingly.

No man is worth this bullshit.

Bettyboo80 · 11/01/2023 12:04

please leave this horrible man. This is abuse. I'm so sorry this has happened

Ofcourseshecan · 11/01/2023 12:05

I think you do need to report it to police, OP. I know it’s difficult but you and your baby are vulnerable and his violence is unpredictable. And I would not stay with someone who abused me. It is likely to escalate.
Best of luck.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 11/01/2023 12:24

I'm so sorry he did this to you
Abuse often starts after a baby, and after being swept along for 2 years, it seems he has showed you his true colours
You need to leave to protect yourself and your baby. He will do it again
I'd advise you to report to the police and woman's aid
If you are married, seek advice from a solicitor
If you have a family member or friend, go there today

NewDogOwner · 11/01/2023 12:38

I'm so sorry, OP. You need to face the reality that your husband is violent. You need to get support in real life too.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 11/01/2023 12:58

Once a man hits a woman it can never be taken back and even if he never hits you again or calls you names or pushes you.. you will always be wondering when he will do it again because he will, and the next time it will be harder.

Easy for these little guys to hit a woman behind closed doors innit

JohnnysMama · 15/08/2023 10:51

Absolutely correct thing for your safety and your child’s safety. I’m very sorry it is better to separate

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 15/08/2023 11:25

That's horrible op, I am sorry. You did the right thing in telling him to leave. Please do follow above advice and report to the police, this will help you get him out, plus give you a record in case you need it for the future.

KirstenBlest · 15/08/2023 11:31

If he thumped you and pushed you and verbally abused you, it will not be the last time it happens. Speak to Women's Aid.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/08/2023 11:37

You did the right thing.

Get him the fuck out, who does he think he is? I'd call police if he wouldn't get gone. You should report his violent assault of you to police anyway. Speak to Women's Aid and Victim Support too. Don't base your value and worth on the shitty actions of past and present men. It's not you, it's them.

With him gone you can live peacefully and raise your child. You don't need a violent man to complete you. I hope you have family and good friends around. You'll make a life for yourself again, in time.

Good luck

Greenwitchhorse · 15/08/2023 11:40

He assaulted you OP.

Also, ''he’s a good man, slightly selfish and I do see controlling and manipulating traits''. That is not the definition of a good man.

You need to leave him and spend some time looking at why you are attracting and then putting up with men like this.

I had a pattern of putting up with men who treated me poorly and thinking this was my fault. It took counselling after an assault for me to finally realise I was repeating the same pattern that had started with my abusive parents when I was growing up...

Rosiem2808 · 15/08/2023 11:40

isn't this an old thread ?

JibbaJab · 15/08/2023 11:54

Not an overreaction. If was capable of hitting you once he will be capable of doing it again and likely would.

You are doing the right thing.

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