To not be there when MIL is dying?

[thesurreymum]

My MIL is dying of cancer. She lives abroad 3 hour flight. DH has been back and forth for months. He just came back last Wednesday and has a flight booked Thursday as it's looking like the end is near. I have 2 primary school children. I can only get childcare for Friday-Sunday. DH says I should stay home with the kids but I want to support him. I've never left the kids for more than 1 night let alone leave the country. Also the person looking after the kids can't take anytime off work so if I missed Sundays flight it would be a big problem. I have no one else to help with them.
DH 3 siblings are there so he won't be on his own but still I feel I should be there.

Should I just go Friday-Sunday Or support him best by taking care of the kids.

"DH says I should stay home with the kids but I want to support him."

Respect this and stay home

Agree with PP - you’re supporting him by staying home with the kids. When my mum died, only my stepdad, my sister and I were with her. My DH was looking after our then young DCs. I’m sure my BIL would have come if my sister had asked him to but she didn’t feel the need.

If DH says he doesn't need you and you think he means it then don't go. Three siblings is a good support network. I didn't have a major need for my DH to be with me when either of my parents died. If I had had childcare issues I'd have wanted my DH there even less as I wouldn't have wanted go be worrying about what was going on at home. Also, this might sound harsh but it sounds like it has been a long time coming so your DH is probably somewhat prepared so it won't be a sudden shock, where he would more likely need you more.

Thank you for all your advice. I've decided it's best not to go. I will be no use to DH if I'm stressing about the kids and it defeats the object if he has to do x2 4 hour round trips to the airport Friday and Sunday to get me/drop me back when he should be spending valuable time with his DM.

In their culture they do the funeral the next day so I won't make it. This part hurts as I was alone for my Nans funeral last year because of childcare and I really wanted him.

I think that's the best decision.

My brothers fil died last year. They all visited him for Christmas to say their goodbyes and his wife stayed on for another two months (similar distance away).

She could work remotely from her dad's home and they both felt it was best for the children to have stability so he returned he with them.

Not easy though.