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Original poster

Facebook Dating

19 replies

Oddbobbyboo · 10/01/2023 22:48

Right, I've been single for a very very long time.,. I've been chatting to a guy 2 weeks online and had 2 dates since. 27 days in total....

So..., yesterday he asked if I would like to go to New York with him for the weekend in March. I said no.... I don't know him. He then mentioned that he may look for work in my home town so we could spend more time together. He lives 40 minutes away.

I'm not sure if this is how dating is..., I don't want to chat to a friend because my friends say I need to be more open.... but I've got the massive ick.

He has been married for 20 years previously and came out of a 3 year relationship last May.... we've not been intimate and he hasn't come to my home.

I married the biggest idiot and spent the last ten years rebuilding my wonderful life.
But is this a red flag?

I have told him that it's a bit creepy, in which he apologised x

OP posts:
PotteringPondering · 10/01/2023 23:01

Yep, creepy. After such a short time to be suggesting a holiday together in New York and changing job to be in your town? Seriously?

Far too intense too soon. Would give me the ick too.

Original poster
Oddbobbyboo · 10/01/2023 23:05

@PotteringPondering thank goodness you feel the same. He thinks that he's been old fashioned?

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 10/01/2023 23:18

Since when is a weekend away for the 3rd date old fashioned! I'd run like the wind.

Icanflyhigh · 10/01/2023 23:28

When you went on a date, did you click?

I only had two dates with DH before we decided we wanted to be together. Ok it was 6 months before he moved in properly, but after 2 dates, we knew.

That was almost 7 years ago now!

I think if you're getting the ick, you didn't click and its likely best to walk away.

Original poster
Oddbobbyboo · 10/01/2023 23:34

Icanflyhigh · 10/01/2023 23:28

When you went on a date, did you click?

I only had two dates with DH before we decided we wanted to be together. Ok it was 6 months before he moved in properly, but after 2 dates, we knew.

That was almost 7 years ago now!

I think if you're getting the ick, you didn't click and its likely best to walk away.

I didn't click, he made it clear that he really liked me. I felt like I was being interviewed. I also find it quite difficult to hold a conversation with him- which isn't like me as I am a social butterfly.

I guess I have no idea how dating at 41 feels.... has every part of me is older and obviously the age bracket of man is also older.

Starting to massively regret using my 30th decade to reinvent myself as this strong m, flying solo, independent woman.

Just pray that I haven't missed the boat 🫢

OP posts:
pictoosh · 10/01/2023 23:35

He wants to relocate so you can spend more time together...after two dates?
Of COURSE that's icky. He's desperate and/or unhinged.

Icanflyhigh · 10/01/2023 23:48

Oddbobbyboo · 10/01/2023 23:34

I didn't click, he made it clear that he really liked me. I felt like I was being interviewed. I also find it quite difficult to hold a conversation with him- which isn't like me as I am a social butterfly.

I guess I have no idea how dating at 41 feels.... has every part of me is older and obviously the age bracket of man is also older.

Starting to massively regret using my 30th decade to reinvent myself as this strong m, flying solo, independent woman.

Just pray that I haven't missed the boat 🫢

Show quote history

It's a minefield alright. I was 37 when I met now DH, but all that you describe about being interviewed etc just wasn't there for us, we really did hit it off from day one.

So this one isn't for you, send him on his way and keep trying!

good96 · 10/01/2023 23:49

I would dodge the bullet if I was you.
It seems to me as if this isn’t made to be I’m afraid.
Who on earth suggests to go on holiday to NY or abroad when they barely know each other and aren’t actually together.

Pansypotter123 · 10/01/2023 23:51

You'd be better off missing that boat. Delete, block and move on.

Zanatdy · 11/01/2023 06:41

Oh God no, especially if you feel you didn’t even click. I’d be running away fast from that

GreyCarpet · 11/01/2023 06:43

but I've got the massive ick.

Why are you even considering it then?

GreyCarpet · 11/01/2023 06:43

but I've got the massive ick.

Why are you even considering it then?

BatshitCrazyWoman · 11/01/2023 06:54

If you haven't 'clicked' and you struggle to have a conversation with him, going away on a break with him would be awful. Quite apart from how over-keen/desperate he sounds!

I met someone and went away with him 6 weeks later, but we'd had about 12 dates/over nights by then. We had a fabulous time, and we're still together nearly 4 years later.

LittleLillie · 11/01/2023 07:30

Trust your instincts, he’s not for you. Next.

It really is that simple and you really do have to be that ruthless.

Don’t over analyse why someone doesn’t feel right for you or try and ignore your feelings.

90yomakeuproom · 11/01/2023 07:35

I met my husband online in a January several years ago and we went on holiday in March! (Although the holiday had been booked since the previous year with my ex so we name changed as I didn't want to lose the deposit 🤣)
It was great to spend time together and get to know each other. Although we had spent more than 2 dates together previously.

ZaphodDent · 11/01/2023 12:10

Don't let your friends pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. You're looking for someone for you, not for them.

Dating is a bit of a numbers game. Chances of you meeting a great person straight away are low.

You may have to kiss a lot of frogs, as they say. Under no circumstances should you go to New York with a frog.

Toss him back in the pond.

Next!

Spaceprincess · 11/01/2023 12:19

If it’s not for you then that’s a good enough reason not to want to do something you don’t have to justify it,
my second date with DP was a week camping in a van, but I’d binned plenty off before him for various (seemly petty) reasons ha
I hope you find someone you really click with
good luck

Original poster
Oddbobbyboo · 11/01/2023 15:28

Oddbobbyboo · 10/01/2023 22:48

Right, I've been single for a very very long time.,. I've been chatting to a guy 2 weeks online and had 2 dates since. 27 days in total....

So..., yesterday he asked if I would like to go to New York with him for the weekend in March. I said no.... I don't know him. He then mentioned that he may look for work in my home town so we could spend more time together. He lives 40 minutes away.

I'm not sure if this is how dating is..., I don't want to chat to a friend because my friends say I need to be more open.... but I've got the massive ick.

He has been married for 20 years previously and came out of a 3 year relationship last May.... we've not been intimate and he hasn't come to my home.

I married the biggest idiot and spent the last ten years rebuilding my wonderful life.
But is this a red flag?

I have told him that it's a bit creepy, in which he apologised x

So, I've ended it xx

Blocked him xx

I feel blooming wonderful 😍 thank you for your responses x feel more confident about myself now.

I guess I'll know when it's right won't I xx

Can't wait for it to be my turn x

OP posts:
PotteringPondering · 11/01/2023 15:48

Oddbobbyboo · 11/01/2023 15:28

So, I've ended it xx

Blocked him xx

I feel blooming wonderful 😍 thank you for your responses x feel more confident about myself now.

I guess I'll know when it's right won't I xx

Can't wait for it to be my turn x

Show quote history

Hooray – right decision.

Trust your instincts and judgement. It feels good to be in the driving seat of your own life x

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