Othello syndrome

[LUCIA22]

Never heard of this before but apparently my husband show classic signs. It’s been a problem in our relationship a long time. I think he is paranoid & looking for instances which he say makes him believe that I have been unfaithful numerous times. He thinks he is justified & just doesn’t trust me. Can’t see me being able to convince him that he’s imagining it or that it’s down to a medical condition. I fear it will destroy our marriage. It’s s horrible thing to be constantly accused of. Does anyone have any advice?

It doesn't sound like any way to live. I don't think I could be with someone who refused to trust me and (if it is MH related) did not seek help.

Get professional help. Talk to Womens Aid and any local DV services.

A pathologically jealous man is always going to be more likely to be a danger to his partner than someone rational. Men have killed faithful wives because of irrational jealousy.

whether it’s a medical condition or not, you are absolutely justified in ending the relationship. You don’t deserve this treatment.

If he recognises his thinking is irrational, he might benefit very much from seeing a doctor, then medication and therapy. If he thinks otherwise there’s nothing else you can do, except end the relationship if you’re unhappy, and make sure you are safe from him.

My ex was like this. Accusing me of cheating with one (or more) of the fellas in the i.t. dept (definitely not) If a man so much as glanced at me while out (together) said I would get his number and cheat.
The one that cropped up frequently was that he was convinced I would meet a rich man and leave him.
I never once cheated....he did...at least 3x (probably more) I left him after 19 years. Its great to be free of the fuckwittery.

It's abuse. Plain and simple.

Advice is to leave and soon

I mean, you can label it as a 'syndrome' if you like, but that gives it weight, reason and excuse in my mind. As though he is ill and can't help it.

Jealous, abusive twat we called it in my day.

Advice is to leave. No one should be having to justify/prove that they are not having an affair to an abusive partner. It already has destroyed your marriage.

Leave because this will not get better as othello syndrome is dangerous. It’s a pathological need to believe your partner is cheating with absolutely no logic in it at all. You cannot fight this as it’s ingrained in him, get out now.

My ex was like this.

It transpired he was the one who had cheated multiple times.

He was judging me by his own actions and then punishing me for them.

When I discovered what he'd been doing, it was still my fault for making him believe that I had been cheating. He'd apparently done it all as pay back for my perceived cheating.

Apparently, if unhadnt.led him to the constant belief that I had been cheating he'd never have cheated on me. Ergo, I brought it on myself.

He wouldn't believe that he was imagining it, he wouldn't believe he had a mental health issue and wouldn't seek medical intervention. It was all me.

His delusions about my cheating led to me being physically attacked as well as being emotionally and mentally dragged. He even accused me of sleeping with my DMs partner and attacked him too.

I had to end it. But by that point he'd destroyed me and very aspect of my life.

I also discovered I wasn't the only one. He'd done this to partners before me, and again after me. He wasn't satisfied until his paranoia had destroyed the woman he was with then moved onto the next one with a 'woe is me, all women have cheated on me' sob story.

I don’t believe he has ever cheated and he has never made me feel unsafe.
i just feel it is unjustified & I am a good person being punished because I can’t prove he is wrong.
i should add that we have been together for 20 years, married for nearly 10 and have 2 children. Leaving is not an easy option, I do love him & don’t want to tear the family apart, the children would be devastated. His mental health is not great which is why that being the cause is my initial thought, and it is possible that he has ASD or ADHD, which can result in overthinking, which he also does.

If he thinks it's perfectly justified and treats you accordingly, it doesn't matter if he has a syndrome or not, he's still emotionally abusing you. You should split up with him.

If he were willing to get psychiatric treatment and stop the behaviours, it might be a little different, but you'd be better living separately until he sorted himself out.

Ah yeah my ex H did this all the time. Turns out that's because he was cheating, constantly.

They'd be more devastated if he took 'Othello Syndrome' to its literal conclusion.

It's a medicalisation of being a jealous, controlling, abusive prick.