Gambling Addict - How does he get a fresh start and i’m left struggling!!?

[Whyme33]

Long post so apologies!

Have been separated from DH for 12 months. We were together 11 years and married for a few months. I discovered 2 months after our marriage that he had developed quite a serious gambling addiction over the previous 12 months. I was completely shocked as in the 10 years previously he had never so much as placed a bet or been inside a bookies or a casino. He liked the lottery and the odd scratchcard but nothing like what he ended up doing.
I discovered that he had gotten into Forex trading and over the course of a year had ended up losing over 50k. He managed to get 15k off his parents, 10k from friends and work colleagues and the rest through pay day loans and credit cards. We didn't have a joint account and he would normally transfer me an amount to cover half the mortgage, bills, child costs etc and the rest of his wages were his own. This is how i had no idea what was going on, he managed to keep it so hidden but over the course of a year I noticed his moods had changed, he was ill a lot with chest pains and stomach issues which i realise now were probably stress related due to the huge losses he was incurring that he couldn’t talk about.
I confronted him when a pay day loan letter came to the house for him but I opened it by accident. He wouldn’t admit to having an issue and instead said it was one £5k loss that he was then trying to win back and that it wasn’t a problem.
I knew he was lying so went on my own investigation mission and uncovered a lot more than the £5k. Again when I confronted him he refused to admit he had an issue and got defensive.
i couldn’t get through to him so I made the difficult decision to leave him.
Not even that was enough to bring him to his senses and he withdrew into his addiction while I was left having to set up a new home with my DCs as we were all living in military housing hundreds of miles from our home town.
Fast forward 12 months and his parents staged an intervention with him 6 months ago and he finally acknowledged he had an issue but as far as I am aware he isn't in GA and still has control of his own finances etc, although I have heard he entered into a debt management plan and had to change bank accounts to a monzo account etc.
We went a few months of no contact at the beginning of last year but eventually I started communicating with him.
He seemed like a broken man and I thought he would be fully of sorry for essentially choosing gambling over his family but he was not.
He has been having regular contact with my youngest DS who is his but has not paid a penny in maintenance and has dodged the CMS for a year. He has a full time decent job and earns £34k a year.

So the big issue for me is that since early December he has been seeing someone. He messaged me to tell me that he had met someone and then within a matter of 2 weeks he had moved in with her and her 3 young DC’s has my DS staying in her house with him on his contact days.
Alongside this he has now started posting on social media about the dates they go on and the plans they have for a family holiday this summer with her 3 DCs and my DS.
He seems to have done a total 180 and is now happy and looking forward to a better life with new plans and hopes.
I can’t help but feel a kind of way that he effectively gets’s a “Do over” while I am struggling to keep a roof over my Dc’s head and haven’t met anyone and can’t even think of meeting anyone.
I know this sounds pathetic but I feel really frustrated by the injustice of it all. I was a good partner and supported him with his career and put up with his moodswings only for me to be the one that ends up on the losing end. It’s not fair!
I have no idea if his new DP is aware of his addiction and I keep messing with my own head wondering if he’s magically recovered from his addiction and is now the man he was for the first few years of our relationship.

Was just looking for some support and validation that i’m not some bitter cow that needs to get a grip!

Thanks for reading…

I felt like this when my stbxh who I threw out for alcoholism seemingly managed to turn his life around and be happy with some one else
It was all bullshit
Soon came out he was in therapy for his addiction at her demand and then he drunk drove his car into the back of a van one morning
Yours won't have changed either

So this woman has 3 DC and she let him move in within a few weeks! she hardly knows him, and the kids are having their home imposed upon by a stranger.

Honestly, gambling addiction is almost impossible to beat, and he is still an addict. Just getting clear of him is a massive achievement and in the long term (probably not very long) you will see how lucky you are.

I'm not wishing him ill, it's just almost inevitable.

Thanks for the responses!

@Bananalanacake exactly what I thought when my DS told me he was now living in this womans house with her 3 DC (3, 5 & 8) and my ex after literally 2 weeks of knowing him. I couldn’t imagine ever being so irresponsible with my DC and subjecting them to a stranger and his 9 year old. I have had to bite my tongue so much because I refuse to have him think even for a second that i’m jealous or bothered.

@qqq82 That’s actually made me feel a tad better. It would seem a leopard can’t change their spots. I’m glad karma intervened and I hope you got your happy ending!

He hasn’t had a fresh start. He’s just an addict in a new house, new relationship- and the stresses of a blended family, DMP and addiction will not go quietly.

You, on the other hand, have had a lucky escape. Look to your future.

He’s an addict who never really acknowledged his addiction, which means he’s already repeating past mistakes. This woman had probably been fed a load of BS and his family are probably going along with the charade, in the desperate hope that he’s ’fixed’, more fool them.

You are well rid.

He's an addict in the rebound, you are well shot of him op.

I really sympathise. My sister's stbxh is an absolute arsehole.

He had an affair, left her by text message, showed no remorse. Then moved in with ow, paying minimal amount to ds.

Now he's re-established his life and everyone has moved on. Except she has spent the last few years on a knife edge, putting up with his narcissistic bullying, and is unable to make ends meet.

There is no justice.

You're not being bitter OP, it’s understandable that you feel hard done by when you’ve gone through all this and he’s seemingly moved on and happy. It won’t be as it seems though, he’s after somewhere to stay and she clearly has no clue about his addiction or what happened between the two of you.
I personally wouldn’t let my DC stay at her house when his dad has only known her for a few weeks. They are in early stages of a relationship and it may not work out (especially
if he’s still gambling), granted there’s no guarantees even long term but they haven’t even given it time to see if this is going somewhere before involving the children.

Follow up on the maintenance, he had a responsibility to his child. Though be warned that now he’s living with someone with 3 children this will affect how much you’re entitled to.

I feel for you. Your life has been difficult.
however now you are free. Free to decide what ever you want to do. No more lies no more gambling!
I would feel sorry for his new partner. I can guarantee you he hasn’t told her everything. Neither will his family. Please go easy on yourself you have been brilliant leaving this situation.

Go through CMS. RGardless of where he is at financially, he doesn't get to not contribute to his child. The rest, try to ignore. You thought everyone was ok in your life until it wasn't. He may still be gambling, or have his finances currently controlled so he can't, but either way, I doubt he's 'fine' if he hasn't received any treatment. It also,isn't your problem. Try not to focus on what social media is showing you, and content range on your family like you're doing.