Nervous about seeing ex next week-do I go?

[gotmynewbootsom]

Next week I will be attending an event I know my ex will be at 100%
It was a absolute shit show of a relationship.
He is a massive narcissist and put me through hell...I still loved him.
He discarded me and is now with someone else.
When we were together I went through months of him making me jealous/sleeping with lots of women -gaslighting -making me feel so unworthy.
Sent me horrible messages saying not to message him again as I was boring and go bore someone else.
He is so arrogant -thinks everyone wants him.
Next week is the first time il of seen him in 3 years.
I'm terrified
Like actually honestly terrified
I don't want to turn into that pathetic woman chasing him I was.
I have a partner and we live together ,we have mutual friends on fb and insta so no doubt he already knows this.
After his brother died I sent him a message (two years ago ) he didn't respond at all but read it (so feel silly about that)
How do I handle this situation with self respect?

Go with your head held high, full of exterior confidence and proud to be with your new DP. It feels worse thinking about it now, but in reality you will be just fine. 100%.

Go to the event and ignore him. Like he is completely transparent.

Go, say a brief civil hello if he approaches you. Otherwise, it's a bonus if he doesn't. Don't bother asking how he is or getting into conversation. He may use it as an opportunity to self aggrandise at your expense even if he seems pleasant at first. Be happy to be with someone nice and remember exactly what he is, a headfucker. None of what he says carries any weight.

Just clock him in the corner of your eye & move in the opposite direction. Keep doing that.
If you don’t want drama you can easily avoid it.
Be the bigger person & hold your head up high.
If he tries to engage, which is doubtful given he’s always ignored you, be monosyllabic and move off.
Control is with you, not him.

Go with your head held high. Get your most beautiful clothes, your hair and make up done. Then avoid him as far as that is possible. Ask your partner to support you on the day. Dont be left alone at any point. If he tries to make any contact with you get away from him. Practice calming techniques like breathing and i've heard people say washing hands and wrists in cold water help calm them down. It will be a hard stressful day but it may be helpful in moving forward, he cannot hurt you any more.

Say Hello, nice to see you. Then walk away, don't give him another thought or glance. Focus on socialising with everyone else at the gathering BUT him. His ego will hate it, but you will feel satisfaction

Of course you should go, lots of smiling and talking to others, don't look in his direction. A brief acknowledgement if you come face to face.

Make sure your partner knows how anxious you are about him, so he has your back. I suppose just keep away from him. Don't mess about trying to let him see what he missed out on, just don't give him head space. Have an "I might need to go early" excuse ready, so if you feel really uncomfortable you can leave a little earlier.
You did a nice thing btw in offering your condolences when he lost his brother.

Dress up nicely and go with your partner. Ignore the ex. Blank him. Don't engage

the advice above is all excellent if you have to attend

that said - if you can get out of attending ….. I’d miss it
fuck it life is too short

Would it be more of a pain not to go, or to go?

If it's not essential, why bother? You don't have to prove to anyone that you can 'overcome' anything. Sometimes people are best avoided.

Agree, as always, with @Watchkeys here.

However OP, if you do have to go:

You expressing condolences about his brother was a kind and humane gesture. There was nothing silly about that. Him failing to acknowledge it, however, was rude and ignorant, and suggests extreme immaturity/inability to deal with emotion.

Telling you that you're boring is ridiculous. It shows an emptiness inside him that he expects to be entertained by his partner because he hasn't yet worked out who he is and what he wants from life.

You might have put him on a pedestal in the past, but things change and there is no need for you to continue to look up to him in this way. Feel sorry for this rather pathetic man, who is unlikely to find happiness unless he manages to grow up a bit.