So my ex broke up with me after 14 months 2 days before Xmas! He wouldn’t allow me to ask any questions about it or make the suggestion of talking about it and working through what he said were his issues. Those being that he said he felt my little ones dad had too much input and that he felt I was always mad at him! I agree that my little ones dad does need some firmer boundaries putting in place but he’s his dad and my little one is only 3! However I was definitely not always cross at him and I loved him dearly and was very happy and was only that week telling everyone I saw how happy we were! We had made life plans and were planning on starting a family this year! Only days before he broke up with me we were still talking and planning this and he was buying me Michelin star restaurant meal for Christmas and had booked it. I was devastated and tried to talking to him but he wouldn’t have any of it and has still 3 weeks later not even had a conversation with me about it or given me any answers. I feel the reasons he gave me were the symptoms but not the cause.
He was late diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 38 and I feel after his recent behaviours and how strange and cold he has been with zero emotional intelligence there is maybe more going on, he literally has not been bothered or emotional about any of it and when I said to him to try and have some empathy and I know he doesn’t have any feelings about things once they’ve happened and can move on all he said was that was a good thing for him and just kept laughing at me, my sister in law was listening on the phone in my pocket and she couldn’t believe how odd it was and how cold he was!
That was the night I took his key back and he then clearly went through his stuff a day or so later and messaged me to say there was only one of each shoe! I mean that would have been funny and I wish I had had the idea but 10000% there was every shoe in the same bag! Then messaged about some stuff I had genuinely forgot about and then when I didn’t reply messaged me later that night to say something else was missing which again 10000% he already took back a few weeks ago! I haven’t made any contact as he ignored me throughout this whole thing when I was really struggling and emotional.
He spends his spare evenings during the week drinking alone in the only room habitual in his house and that is only a mattress on the floor and peeling wallpaper etc he says he is happy there and sees no problem with his drinking.
He has no friends other than a guy who his cousin is married to and another guy way down south who he met through online paedophile hunting groups that he was once part of! Both of whom he has never seen whilst being with me.
He doesn’t speak to his sister and is very evasive with his family.
He has never had a relationship longer than 18 months
He is 40 wanting kids but never had any
He met his ex gf through the paedophile hunting groups and used to sit in smoking weed together
He earns a big wage every month with very very small overheads and only him to provide for and yet never has any money left at the end of the month and has no savings whatsoever.
with hindsight if I had told friends and family at the beginning all these things I think I would have left earlier but I was wrapped up in someone being nice and kind and generous which was such an alien concept to me after the previous guy I was with.
Have I had a lucky escape?
I’m just trying to make some sense of it all!