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Original poster

Ending things

13 replies

Notgoodatthis24 · 09/01/2023 12:52

NC for this one.

I've recently been on a handful of dates with a guy I met on OLD.

He's a really nice guy and the dates have been lovely. We get on well and, in lots of ways, he's everything I'm looking for. The trouble is I also met someone else (purely by accident) and feel a huge connection with him, which I just don't feel with the guy from OLD.

I know I need to end things and not agree to another date but I'm really bad at this. I desperately don't want to hurt someone and therefore end up tying myself in knots.

This is particularly important to me in this instance as this guy is a widow and I'm the first person he's dated since his DW passed away. I don't want to leave a bad impression of dating with him.

What do I say without making it about him? Please help. I'm totally clueless at this stuff!

OP posts:
Mirroredlove · 09/01/2023 12:59

Wouldn’t you date both until you became exclusive with one? How do you know both want to be with you long term and are good companions? I wouldn’t go on a connection alone, there needs to be substance to back it up aswell.

minticecreamisjustok · 09/01/2023 13:10

Unless the guy you like the most has asked you to be exclusive with him dont be so quick to end it with the other guy?

Original poster
Notgoodatthis24 · 09/01/2023 13:18

Thank you both. I've been on a few dates with guy 2 too and know he's definitely the one for me rather than guy one. I therefore don't feel it's fair to keep dating guy one

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 09/01/2023 13:35

Just be careful you might end up with neither of them, unless the new guy is wanting to start a relationship with you.

You don't need to go into the details why you dont want to date the other one anymore. It's hard to be truthful without hurting him, say you are taking a break from dating and not wanting to progress into a relationship, wish him all of best.

Spoonfulofchamps · 09/01/2023 14:57

Either if it doesn't work out with guy 2, you're clearly not into guy 1. Just be honest with him and say that whilst you've really enjoyed getting to know him, you don't see things going any further with him. Better than stringing him along. Honesty is the best policy.

ICanHideButICantRun · 09/01/2023 14:59

Hmmm don't mistake a sexual connection for a lifelong connection, though.

Tell us how Man 1 compares to Man 2.

SpentDandelion · 09/01/2023 15:06

I would just say thank you for the lovely dates but l don't want to waste your time, although your great company I' m not feeling a connection. l wish you lots of luck in the future.
This is coming from a widow who has been in this same situation.

Palemoonlight · 09/01/2023 15:14

Spoonfulofchamps · 09/01/2023 14:57

Either if it doesn't work out with guy 2, you're clearly not into guy 1. Just be honest with him and say that whilst you've really enjoyed getting to know him, you don't see things going any further with him. Better than stringing him along. Honesty is the best policy.

This. You now know the way you feel about guy 1 is not what you are looking for. You are looking for the kind of connection you feel with guy 2, whether or not it works out with him.

So please don’t follow the advice from some on here about stringing guy 1 along as your reserve option. You will be wasting both your time ( as well as being a pretty awful way to treat the guy).

Palemoonlight · 09/01/2023 15:14

SpentDandelion · 09/01/2023 15:06

I would just say thank you for the lovely dates but l don't want to waste your time, although your great company I' m not feeling a connection. l wish you lots of luck in the future.
This is coming from a widow who has been in this same situation.

And this advice. It’s an honest and decent way to end things.

ouch321 · 09/01/2023 15:29

Mirroredlove · 09/01/2023 12:59

Wouldn’t you date both until you became exclusive with one? How do you know both want to be with you long term and are good companions? I wouldn’t go on a connection alone, there needs to be substance to back it up aswell.

Only if she has no morals.
You shouldn't string people along. It's awful this new trend.

Watchkeys · 09/01/2023 15:32

@ouch321

You shouldn't string people along. It's awful this new trend

Your rules aren't universal rules, and many, many people don't see dating more than one person at a time as 'stringing someone along'. OP doesn't owe anybody her exclusive attention. Why would you think she 'should' just date one person at a time? It's awful, this old fashioned rule...

Original poster
Notgoodatthis24 · 09/01/2023 15:36

Thank you.

I don't want to string anyone along. I'd hate for anyone to do it to me so wouldn't do it to someone else.

Even if things don't work out with guy 2, I've realised I don't feel the way I should about guy 1 and therefore it's not right to keep seeing him regardless.

OP posts:
Spoonfulofchamps · 09/01/2023 15:46

Notgoodatthis24 · 09/01/2023 15:36

Thank you.

I don't want to string anyone along. I'd hate for anyone to do it to me so wouldn't do it to someone else.

Even if things don't work out with guy 2, I've realised I don't feel the way I should about guy 1 and therefore it's not right to keep seeing him regardless.

Right attitude OP. You sound like a good person and I'm sure however you let guy 1 down it'll be gently. Good luck!

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