Just has another row and pushed him and have hurt my hand

[Beauregard]

Have to be careful he doesn't see me typing this as will only start another row.

VVVQV-He tries to ignore me and i want to discuss things but he is so not on my wavelength and doesn't get it.He is crap at serious discussions and avoids confrontation even with his own mother.
Let's bury our heads in the sand sort of man.

Pelvicfloor, if it helps life is the same for most working parents

(cleaning, childcare and working, I mean)

He laughing at Topgear now
Glad he is happy at least

Yes i agree NDP but where is lifes pleasure?

I wish there was something I could do or say that w/could help you.

Could you get help to find another way to channel your anger into something that will not hurt you or others?

My dh can forget a really bad row in about 10 mins while I seethe with rage for 2 days.

Aw Pelvic.

Since having kids I've found that you have to work really hard at lifes pleasures. Corny I know but its easy to get into a cycle of work.kids.house.money etc and there's no time left for you. I used to feel like I was being suffocated by it all and had lost the person I once was. I was turning into a humourless nagging old hag and I didn't like myself.

I can't say that one thing turned it around. I started exercising (gave me time to myself and made me feel and look better), and also we are lucky in that MIL has the kids for a week each year so me and DH can go away on our own. When you do that you remember why you wanted kids with them in the first place.

So, I suppose what I'm saying is try and fix yourself before you try and fix the relationship. Everything else will follow and you'll feel in a better position to have a good honest look at your relationship.

I think lifes pleasures seem to have to be found in small things alone if dh isnt interested ; like chocolate treats, an early bath, meditations on MP3, a funny book and so on. My circle class every wed night has reall helped me feel I have something thats about me as a person and outlet.

What you say Turkeylurkey is very spot on, Im taking it in for myself too especially the last sentance.

Pelvic - honestly you're not alone lovey. I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

I would leave the questions about your rship alone for now and focus on yourself. It sounds as though you're in a dark place and need a way to lift yourself. What you say about life being one long cleaning, work and childcare session really strikes a chord....

Forget about "you and him" for a sec - what can you do for you? Can you find an outlet somewhere somehow? Some time for youself - even if it's only half an hour after the kids have gone to bed - reading, pampering - some alone time.

Also, I found it much easier when I learnt ways of taking control - walking away and taking a deep breath and counting to ten. Sounds so easy but it was so hard for me and when I did it, it put everything in perspective. In some of my darker moments, I even called the samaritans to ask for help in controlling my urge to lash out.

It's been a while since I did it so I know it can be done - although there was that poor cardboard box in the kitchen that took a beating last week Recycling therapy I call it

Don't know what i can channel my anger into?

I used to smoke(nearly 3 years ago) and god i miss it so much,it helped me to calm down.The psychologist told me to go outside for a cuppa instead yeh right.
Maybe i should just take it up again.

TurkeyLurkey-I have no time to do anything and am too tired at this time of night ,i don't go out,i don't smoke anymore,don't drink ever, don't do sex ,i don't have anything for me only coming on here of an evening.

THat's the problem with feeling lethargic and unmotivated. IT's a vicious circle.

I find that the more exercise you do, the more you want to do, and the more energy you have.

Perhaps just going for a walk around the block for 10-15 minutes each evening will give you time to clear your head, build your energy levels, and help get adrenalin and endorphins pumping around your body.

You'll have to make yourself do it for the first week or so, but, after that you'll start to appreciate it, and enjoy it.

can just imagine the outrage if the OP's dh had been angry and lashed out at her.

oh do fuck off to your perfect life neednewbag

far from perfect, actually. you think it's ok to hit your dh then? I'm sure you'd be outraged it he hit you

OMG Pelvic - have a fag!

Honestly, joking aside - anger is the most destructive emotion there is - it eats you up from the inside. You have to learn to control it but it has to be for you and not for someone else.

i found it helped if I treated my moments of anger as I would in my toddler - I learnt to help her calm down so I can do it in myself. Sounds simple but it is effective I promise - breathe in through your nose and blow it out through your mouth and it calms you down. Focus on counting to ten, close your eyes and imagine you're thousands of miles away on a beach .... sipping your fave drink ... maybe with a hot man slathering you in oil...

..okay - I go too far - you get the idea

neednewbag - not helpful I'm afraid although I'm sure it makes you feel better

Pelvic - if you'd been a bloke, I'd like to think that some if not all of the MNers would be helping you through this - after all, you're looking for help not jusification.

It's not easy but you have to believe that you can do it - it will be hard but you can do it

neednewbag-I have seen your thread so you can not preech to me about pushing my dp when you have admitted to hitting yours.
Why come onto a thread to wind someone up ffs?

Pelvic- you have to make time, you have to work at it. Things will not change by themselves. You sound like you do not have the motivation, is this because of your depression?

I agree with the other poster who said its a viscious circle.

I wish you all the best.

nnb - outrage is useless, so I'm not entirely sure what you point is - if you have one, that is.

It's important to discuss violence in a relationship and get to the bottom of it. It's not helping anyone to condemn, and wag fingers. It's more constructive to try and help the person to resolve their issues.

I suppose his non-reaction is not helping you either.

If only there was another way to broach the sunject on how you communicate with eachother. it sounds as if he shuts down before you feel the arguement has reached a conclusion.

Pelvic - if your feelings are really bothering you tonight to the point where everything is just going round and round in your head and winding you up more, why don't you get it all down on paper. Write him an email or maybe a letter. That way you can get your feelings down in a more controlled way and say what you meant to say before the red mist descended.

You can also try to explain why your feelings end up turning into more physical expressions - it's not going to solve things overnight, but it's a start in terms of better communications I think and will help you feel more in control which is crucial here.

Thanks TurkeyLurkey.

Cashandcarry-I really haven't got the energy to do that tonight.

I have to face a room full of strangers in the morning,god i so don't want to go.

Pelvic - just go to bed my sweet. It'll all be there in the morning - you sound exhausted and this whole episode can't have helped

I'm off to bed meself now but will be thinking of you tomorrow - whatever you're doing with a roomful of people, it sounds exciting anyway

Thankyou.
Night x