I was with Ex H for 15 years, 2 dc. It was 2nd marriage for him and he also had one dc from that relationship. I wasn't on the scene when 1st marriage ended but was really surprised by his Ex's hostility, despite a time lag.
However it's no surprise that once we had dc and married he became abusive. It was literally overnight and I now know I was in the devalue stage. I lfound out much later that he was having a longterm affair with a married woman who was a friend of his 1st wife. Ex and her are still together as she divorced her (unsuspecting) husband.
I eventually separated from him and he was incredibly vindictive in the divorce.he didn't just want to win, he needed me to be destroyed. During this time I saw behaviours that made me realise what he had done to his first wife. I definitely suspect he has a personality disorder. Outwardly he is very charming and a master of maintaining his image.
So...issue is..despite his nasty behaviour he seems to be thriving and I feel so resentful. OW is extremely wealthy so he is able to reduce his work - which allows them to holiday constantly. The friends from 1st marriage have all forgiven OW yet her Ex husband and Ex's first wife are out in the cold.
I was going through cancer treatment during the protracted divorce and to lower my stress I agreed to way less money than I should have got. He also fought for 50/50 contact so no CMS yet he rarely has the dc, which I knew would be the case. He refuses to discuss anything with me (treats me as if I don't exist) and expects me to be around to have dc when he swans off.
I have tried to rebuild my life. I developed my career and now earn well, enough to support my dc solely. I have dated but haven't met anyone that I'm attracted to. My guard is however up! My health isn't great and I am regularly back in hospital so that impacts travel and hobbies.
I want to stop feeling resentful but I don't know how! I have had counselling which helped me to process the trauma of the abuse but I can't seem to let go of resentment. I am mostly nc with him (only email regarding schools) and haven't seen him face to face in years so I only hear from dc when they say he can't see them. I just want him to have some consequences for his awful behaviour.