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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he playing mine games?

39 replies

blondskeepclosed · 08/01/2023 16:16

My ex is a gas lighter
Nothing is ever his fault
I'm always to blame
We split up and after I found out something bad he did and asked for reasons -he blocked me on WhatsApp.
He didn't block me anywhere else
I removed him off Facebook/Instagram etc

2 months passed and I sent him a message on messenger saying it shouldn't of ended so bad
I just needed closure .
He sent me a really long message saying
I was the one in the wrong and he chose not to block me on Facebook /Instagram -and if he really wanted too ,didn't I think he would of
What did he mean by that?
He said "I bet your regretting your decisions now"
Then he sent me a few texts a few days after of our favourite song saying "well least you found the band and good music from our relationship "
I don't understand him

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 08/01/2023 19:33

Then get back withh him, seems like that's what you want to hear.

You say he is a gaslighter. Hes doing this for fun to make you think about him and chase him.
Hes only interested in you if you be quiet and dont complain about anything he does. He wants you to keep going after him to stroke his ego. That's the truth.

Notimeforaname · 08/01/2023 19:36

I just don't know why he does the things he does
Yes you do. Here is the answer...

My ex is a gas lighter
Nothing is ever his fault
I'm always to blame

gamerchick · 08/01/2023 19:37

Why on earth did you get back on touch with the daft twat? None of it matters, let it go and don't contact him again. This isn't going to be some happy ending where he realises what he's done OP.

PinkSyCo · 08/01/2023 19:49

Oh dear he’s got you right where he wants you hasn’t he? He knows he has all the power and that he just needs to snap his fingers and you will go running back. The best thing you could do is to take the power off him by blocking him on everything and never giving him another thought.

PuzzledObserver · 08/01/2023 21:37

blondskeepclosed · 08/01/2023 18:58

I do still have feelings for him
I would be lying if I said I didn't
I just don't know why he does the things he does

That’s been answered - he does the things he does because he gets a kick out of it.

When you were together, he was emotionally abusive and manipulative. He’s continuing it now you’re not together - and you opened the door to let him. If you get back together, he will be even worse.

Block him.

Zanatdy · 08/01/2023 21:41

He wants you to go back and say it was all your fault and beg him to take you back. That’s why he’s not blocked you as he’s been waiting for this. Block him and move on. He’s not going to change, you can do better than someone like him

dudsville · 08/01/2023 21:41

How would knowing his reasons for his behavior help you to make better decisions for yourself? I'm not asking because i want to know the answer, I'm trying to highlight what you're missing from what previous posters are telling you.

monsteramunch · 08/01/2023 21:43

blondskeepclosed · 08/01/2023 18:58

I do still have feelings for him
I would be lying if I said I didn't
I just don't know why he does the things he does

I know this isn't nice to hear but the answer is actually quite simple.

Because he doesn't care about you.
Because he enjoys you feeling like shit.
Because he thinks you're easy to manipulate.

Stop proving him wrong.

He is never going to magically turn into a man who treats you well.

This is never going to be a healthy relationship.

He is never going to love you. Or even like you.

Please don't waste one more day on this dynamic.

No good can come of it.

JorisBonson · 08/01/2023 22:34

Proper deja vu. You've been given so much good advice in the past, why ignore it?

ThisWormHasTurned · 08/01/2023 22:42

Check our Caroline Strawson on YouTube and social media, what she posts might ring true about your ex. It helps you understand the behaviour and it’s certainly helped me to detach from my ex and move on.

monsteramunch · 08/01/2023 22:42

Stop proving him RIGHT, my post was meant to say!!

Opentooffers · 08/01/2023 22:54

It really doesn't matter why he does things, and you'll tie yourself up in knots endlessly looking for answers that won't come. Even if he ever says, it won't necessarily be true, so no point in it.

BlastedPimples · 09/01/2023 09:09

Unless you love continually wondering what he actually means by his words and actions, then block him.

That way you will be forever free of head fuckery from this halfwit. Wouldn't you prefer that?

supercali77 · 09/01/2023 09:45

I feel like I recognise your writing style - you've posted about him before under other names?

The way you're talking it's like you want someone to say 'he's saying that because actually, deep down, he's really interested and misses you' ? Unfortunately from the outside it's really plain whats happening. He's just toying about with you. Keeping the door a bit open, without any real intention, and why not? You keep on going back for more of the same. You're seeking validation from him, so you can stop feeling shit about yourself and the way he treated you. But going back to the poison for the cure is never the answer. You need to wake up, the way he treated you is not an indicator of your value. You are the person who says what your value is. You need to be the one who closes the door properly.

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