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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Want to leave my partner but does anyone know the answer to this before I do?

37 replies

2023helpplease · 08/01/2023 14:47

I have a two year old and it’s horrendous living with my partner. We had her fast into the relationship and to be honest I have had doubts for a while. I want to leave but as she’s in nursery I am very worried about money and the fact he might turn nasty if I break us up.

my question is, he works 80% of the time as a doctor in private practice. If I claim child maintenance will he be classed as self employed? I’ve read it’s hard to get cms to do anything if so and I don’t think he will make it easy for me if I end things. He works 20% of the time employed in the nhs but obviously that salary is small compared to what he gets paid privately. I want out of this but wouldn’t be able to pay for nursery fees myself and work.

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 09/01/2023 02:01

If he is working at the Nuffield then based on my 4 family members who also work there in very different capacities...Just for the cousin who is a porter the wage is way beyond what the NHS pay, for the uncle who is a heart surgeon well payed is the best I can say...Besides there's lots of help you can get for nurseries etc if you become single so dont worry to much.

taxpayer1 · 09/01/2023 02:05

You are only interested in how much money you can get. It is so wrong.

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 09/01/2023 02:22

taxpayer1 · 09/01/2023 02:05

You are only interested in how much money you can get. It is so wrong.

No, she is worried that she will be left alone with a child to pay for if she leaves this horrible man, and is planning ahead. A smart, clued up woman.

sashh · 09/01/2023 02:46

2023helpplease · 08/01/2023 15:03

@theremustonlybeone how can I know if he is employed or not? He’s very secretive, he will definitely know I’m up to something if I ask. He works for spire hospitals and Nuffield hospitals?

Look up the websites of both hospitals, they often list the various doctors and their specialties.

Then get a quote for an initial appointment and for a common procedure so if he is a cardiologist there will be an amount for an initial consultation and then a separate amount for a procedure such as a pacemaker implant.

Now the prices quoted are charged by the hospital so his earnings will be less than that but you can take screen prints of the charges.

Weatherwax13 · 09/01/2023 02:53

taxpayer1 · 09/01/2023 02:05

You are only interested in how much money you can get. It is so wrong.

No, OP is obviously worried she won't be able to continue working as her pay on its own won't cover childcare. And she suspects probably quite rightly that the DC"s father will try to punish her if he could by avoiding his financial responsibilities.
How low must you be to see a post like and call the OP a gold digger.

Nat6999 · 09/01/2023 04:23

Nuffield send returns in of what has been paid to each doctor & he will be paid PAYE by the NHS. It will all be on his Self Assessment return. Get your ducks in a row, find somewhere to live, get together as much cash as you can, do you have a joint bank account? Get cashback every time you go shopping? Get a bank account in your sole name & deposit any money you get, have you registered for Child Benefit? I know you won't get any money while you are with him but you should be registered to get the State Pension NI contributions. Get things like birth certificates, passports, driving licence, your baby's red book, any medication etc & put it somewhere safe that you can get it when you plan to leave, your best time would be when he is at work. Do you have any support, parents or family?

miamiibiza · 09/01/2023 05:02

You may be entitled to some benefits, and help with childcare costs as a single parent

Nothighgaprequired · 09/01/2023 05:49

What is your own salary op? Will you be moving? What will your housing situation be? You may get help from the government with childcare, then factoring in child maintenance less of an issue. Speaking from experience, maintenance is not a payment I would like to rely on.

RedHelenB · 09/01/2023 06:18

If he wants to make it difficult to pay CMS then he will. You will no doubt get CMS eventually, but it cant be relied on to come through on x date.So do your sums based on Universal credit and get a job , moat of your childcare will be paid for.

Charley50 · 09/01/2023 06:37

I think you should ask for this thread to be deleted OP, now you have the advice you need. In case of husband finding out about it.

Justmeandme19 · 09/01/2023 07:07

The self employed in it self isn't an issue as CMS will check records with HMRC. The issue is when someone starts being paid cash (as it's untraceable) . This obviously won't be an issue in your case.
The only issue may well be if he's self employed and paying himself a huge pension from it. That's because his pension is deducted before they calculate CMS. Bonkers I know.
The self employed problems only occur if the profession is unregulated and you can get away with cash in hand.

Snoken · 09/01/2023 07:16

I think it's great and smart to plan ahead. Sometimes it's just better to play the long game to make sure you can afford it. Just a warning though that if he does want to have your child 50/50 you might not get any more than half the childcare cost, and that's it. Since you are not married you have to make sure you can afford to live plus pay for half of your childs cost. I am guessing since she's in nursery atm you have a job, will that income be enough for what you need if he only contributes for half the nursery costs?

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