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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One minute he's into me, the next he's not

14 replies

Tcbay52 · 08/01/2023 13:56

Why is the guy I like reluctant to go out? When I pull back, he tries harder with showing interest. Initially he was the one who asked me out first but he never set any details. I already asked him out two times. The first time he avoided the subject and started "running away" from me. It was a bit pathetic. The second time, he said that he really wanted to, but after coming back from holidays. Sometimes he's normal, other times he's a bit withdrawn, sort of absent, or even avoiding me. When I say something to him, he doesn't even look at me, he's generally kind of quiet. He usually comes to sit next to me but keeps his eyes on his phone as if he wants to give the impression that he's doing something incredibly important. On the other hand he displays signs of attraction, turns his body towards me or looks at me and looks away when I look at him. He replies late to texts sometimes or doesn't get back to me when I ask for a favour. He sometimes texts my friend to indirectly ask me for something. Last time I replied to him he's been online for hours & has been ignoring me (he initiated texting first). In conversations he occasionally unsends messages. He can take two days to reply. He's also young and immature. I think I should keep showing him interest and just wait for his initiative, I don't want to be the one to bring up going out anymore. Is he painfully shy or am I just a side chick? I'm really annoyed by his behaviour switches.

OP posts:
CoorieIn · 08/01/2023 13:58

Why are you even bothering?

You are undoubtedly worth more than this nonsense. Leave him to it is my honest advice.

validnumber · 08/01/2023 13:59

Seriously do not waste your time with this idiot.
He likes playing the game and stringing you along.
Don't play the game.
Put your thoughts and energy into looking after yourself and meeting someone else.
It will never go anywhere and you'll waste all your time.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 08/01/2023 14:01

He’s Just Not That Into You

Harsh but the most liberating words you can hear in this situation.

it doesn’t matter why he’s like he is, but if he wanted to see you he would make sure he did. If he wanted a relationship with you he’d make sure he had one. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who makes you feel like this. Plenty more dick in the sea.

KettrickenSmiled · 08/01/2023 14:13

He's also young and immature. I think I should keep showing him interest and just wait for his initiative,

Why do you want to go out with an immature guy?
Why are you expending so much time & effort on a man who blows hot & cold, has poor social skills, is withdrawn, absent & avoids you?

What is stopping you from refusing to play silly buggers, & moving on to more interesting people, who might be worth your time?

Butterfly44 · 08/01/2023 14:19

This is no relationship and doesn't make you feel good so stop subjecting yourself to this. It's horrid that he causes you stress. Up your standards, walk away and find someone who acts like they want to be in a relationship with you and respects you.
Think of it this way if your friend sent you your post what would your advice be.

Mirroredlove · 08/01/2023 15:07

He has other women in the go, trust me, and he probably loves it that’s why he can be distant or not available sometimes.

Just throw him back!

ThePear · 08/01/2023 15:15

‘I think I should keep showing him interest and just wait for his initiative,’

oh come on. You get one life. There are four billion males in existence. There are so many more enjoyable ways to spend your time than waiting for some bloke to throw you some scraps.

Cccc1111 · 08/01/2023 15:20

last time this happened to me I eventually discovered I was his backup option, while he was after someone else

LaLuz7 · 08/01/2023 15:23

Let me teach you a dating lesson, young grasshopper:

If he likes you, you will know.
If he doesn't, you'll be confused.

Anything other than enthusiastic consistent interest and effort is not good enough.

ThePear · 08/01/2023 15:24

From OPs posting history she spends a lot of time analysing men’s poor behaviour and does not return to threads.
OP there’s a whole world out there. Live your life. No need to analyse the way men sit, and message. Do significant work on your self worth.

pictoosh · 08/01/2023 15:25

He's not very interested in you I don't think. Sorry.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2023 15:27

The only question you should be asking is why you are even bothering with this idiot. Raise the bar.

Bionesque · 08/01/2023 15:30

Therapy, OP.

Deadringer · 08/01/2023 15:30

I would move on pronto, he sounds like a waste of time.

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