It's a long one. Need to vent. DM died when I was a pre-teen and DDad remarried pretty quick. SM was always on the defensive and lacked any maternal inclination. Things were rocky but I was a good kid who tried. She made me miserable.
Fast forward 25 years and I'm mid 30s, 2 kids (one ND), husband, and live 200 miles away. DDad is elderly, deaf, frail and confused. SM is the gatekeeper, i cannot communicate directly with him. He doesn't understand without help unless there in person.
After decades of SM taking slight at things she's perceived I've done or said wrong, we had established a workable relationship where things were civil. Until my brother accidently said something 'on my behalf' which wasn't a true reflection of how I felt. I tried putting her right at the time. Thought it was sorted.
Except now she's insisting we need a conversation to 'clear the air' about it (took a lot of digging to finally figure out it was this issue). Fine, about time. Except she's saying the only way is if I travel to them to have this conversation in person. Zoom/call won't work. 400 mile, 10 hour round trip. Would have to sort childcare (fine), hotel, travel.
I've insisted she at least give a call/zoom ago. She said she'd talk to DDad. No reply for 2 days. Can't sleep, thinking about it all the time. On tenterhooks for response.
I would go NC but I'd lose dad too.