Can we move on from this?

[Lj8893]

Long post sorry.

me and DH have been together 11 years, married 7. Have a DD together.

We have had ups and downs like any other couple.
Last year DH started councilling following a “mental breakdown”, this was partly due to his traumatic childhood “catching up on him mentally” and partly due to how I have treated him, he felt for a large part of our relationship I hadn’t prioritised him. He’s right, I hadn’t, I was retraining to do my current job which was a long, hard slog. But still no excuse to make him feel that way at all.

He is in a much much better place now.

Now it’s been my turn to have a breakdown.
I’ve never been great with money but last year this came to a head and I have realised recently I have been suffering from some sort of spending addiction, (exacerbated by my DF death I think) which I have been keeping from DH. I have racked up approx £5k debt, some of which is now paid off but payments continue for many of it. After an arguement about money last week, I broke down and told him about it.

He’s fuming obviously, don’t blame him in the slightest. But he has said he doesn’t want to leave me (part of me thinks if he had somewhere else to go he may have
left).
We worked out all our finances and if we are strict this year everything can be paid off fully.
I also agreed I would speak to my GP and access some counselling. I’m awaiting a GP appointment and have signed up for counselling (thankfully free through work).

Hes not even that cross about the money, it’s the lying and the fact this was all happening behind his back whilst he was attending counselling and making self improvements following what I had already done to his self esteem several years ago.

I know counselling will be good for me, I’ve never seen myself as a particularly nice or good person but I’m not a bad or evil person so I really want to make a change.

DH is understabdably still quite “cold” with me, only really talking to me when necessary.

I don’t really know what I want to gain from this post, but does anyone think we can get past this and how can I prove to DH I am prepared to be a better wife?

I am sure you can move on, you have many positives, communication, empathy and commitment x

Thankyou, I hope you are right. I don’t feel like I have any of those positive traits right now but I am willing to work on them.

You can do this. your post oozes of self reflection and I completely admired your honesty and your willingness. A long way to go, but hopefully you look back in a year and be proud.

Does he really think you improving your job prospects had an impact on his self esteem? You've come up with a spending plan and you are having counselling, I'm not sure what else he thinks you should do. But if he is punishing you for having a better job that doesn't bode well.
Would he consider couples counselling?

"and partly due to how I have treated him, he felt for a large part of our relationship I hadn’t prioritised him. He’s right, I hadn’t, I was retraining to do my current job which was a long, hard slog. But still no excuse to make him feel that way at all."

Really? In what way did this manifest itself. At first glance this looks like he has got you to beat yourself up over having to focus of a life goal for a period. Nothing wrong with that. Your partner can't always be the main focus of your attention.