Been married for just over a year. Quiet, private wedding which I was quite happy with.
DH was previously married and the ExW still features prominently in our lives. They had a big social life and lots of mutual friends that they now see separately but her name comes up all the time due to (understandably) shared history. ExW remains close to his family and I know they still see quite a bit of her. Trying to not let that bother me as it’s unreasonable to think she should become persona non gratis just because I have appeared on the scene. DSD’s are older and difficult- but with everyone, not just me. Moved into the family home (which she left five years ago, way before we met) which hasn’t been the best plan and we’re planning to move- I’ve given it my best shot but I still feel like the ghost at the feast sometimes. She knows a lot about me I think given all the mutual relationships and it makes me feel a little off.
Anyway- lots of background which I also find hard to discuss with DH- he’s supportive to a point but finds conflict difficult which makes it hard for me to speak up when something bothers me. No worries that he’s still hankering after her per se- but I often feel like I’m living her second hand life and I have second hand status. I rarely bring it up as I worry I’m just being over sensitive and understand everyone has a past (including me)
Something happened today- and it’s not the first time it’s happened. We bumped into old childhood friends of his who haven’t seen him for 20 years or so. Introduced me as my name but not as his wife. They were clearly confused and had to do a bit of digging around circumstances. When I told them we were married they were full of congratulations etc and made a remark along the lines of “ahh, we didn’t know- you should have told us”.
My DH screwed his face up, looked awkward and said something like (I’m paraphrasing) … well, it’s a second marriage, we didn’t want to make a fuss. He then went on to mention ExW and how they had parted ways some years ago (sure they had worked this out for themselves)
They then clearly felt sorry for me and overcompensated by being lovely and asking to see a wedding photo- which he showed them, somewhat reluctantly. I feel hurt, angry and belittled by the lack of respect of DH. I love him to pieces and want to shout the fact that we’re married from the rooftops (although I don’t, obviously) Am I being massively oversensitive here? I haven’t said anything to him as also don’t like conflict but have a horrible, nagging feeling that won’t subside and a sense that I’m worth more than being introduced as a footnote. It was almost like he was embarrassed.