Money

[Jems01]

Hi everyone, just after a bit of advice. My partner is tight with money apart from for himself. He spends hundreds on himself and his hobby and i dont have a penny, i wear all his hand me down clothes that he was going to throw because i cant afford to buy any for myself and my shoes have holes in. I'm a sahm to a 2 year old and 5 month old. Before I met my partner I worked full time and saved up a deposit for a mortgage on my house so I was very independent. We quite quickly got pregnant (just under a year after we met) We agreed that I would be a sahm until both kids go to full time school. My partner works full time. Not a very well paid job but we do get top up from benefits. He pays into my account about a 3rd of his pay towards the bills. This covers about 3rd of the bills. He then pays for two weeks worth of shopping which is £50 a week. (This doesnt cover a weeks shop) I have to pay everything else! This wipes out all the benefits and what he pays and leaves me with 0. Last month he lost his job but had another lined up so was only 3 weeks out of work. He still got £1200. He had a bit to pay on insurance but working all of it out he would of been left about £400 to himself. He paid less to me this month because he list his job. Well this left me short. He has refused to pay towards any food shopping because he says he has no money so this week I have had to borrow it out of the money the kids had in their money boxes from Xmas. He says he has no money left but he must do. He never shows me his account. Am I being unreasonable being upset? I've tried talking to him but he gets annoyed and says he doesn't have any money and it's not his house so why should he help anymore towards bills. Sorry its a long post.

He is financially abusing you.
Do you have family who you can speak to?

Tell him to leave. You may not be worse off financially (sole occupant council tax discount, less food & energy bills, child support from him, possibly increased benefits) and you would be miles better off mentally.

He is not a true partner.

If you can't do this, list out all the bills, including those that don't occur weekly/monthly eg children's birthdays, and ask him how he thinks they should be paid - you will probably get to the same answer ie he thinks he can live rent-free and not pay properly for his own children.

Definitely write down the bills and expenses then ask him how they are supposed to be paid if you're having to rob piggy banks.

Not married ? Your house ? Kick him out - you'd be better off financially and emotionally !

This. I would seriously look into what help you might get now and when you return to work and see whether you will actually be worse off financially without him. Mentally you will probably be better off. Would he be able to live elsewhere for the amount he contributes?

Are you claiming child benefit & is this paid into your own bank account ?

Because if you are not working, this benefit also pays National Insurance "stamps" towards your state pension if you are in the UK & other benefits.

All info is on www.gov.uk

You need 35 years of National Insurance contributions to claim a full state pension.

You can check your National Insurance record here too

www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

You're definitely not being unreasonable and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this! He seems to be financially abusing you and your situation looks far from fair because he spends on other things. You said he refused to pay, so he forced you to pay and was inflexible even though you're taking care of the children. He gets annoyed if you talk to him and that's not good. You could try looking for a job earlier and when ready calmly ask him to leave. I know it's not simple but his behaviour is not right and over time you might end up in proper debt, financially and emotionally! I don't know if you will disagree but I think he should be giving you all or most of his salary for you to manage and I'm sure you would spend it better than him!

Financial abuse.

Go back to work, get rid of him.

My exh was similarly abusing. Luckily the dc were mine not ours and I threw him out.. Bin him op. Claim Cms and until you can get back to work claim benefits also.