Constant lying

[ICannotUnderstan]

DP lies all the time . Nothing big just ridiculous things .

What time he worked till
What he had for lunch
where he went for lunch
Things about friends and families
what he watched on tv

he will often volunteer this information randomly. At first I didn’t really think much of it then it got the point where I kept realising most of what he says isn’t true but I cannot for the life of me understand why? Why does it matter about lunch why would you need to lie ??? All the things he lies about are minor but why ? I’m so frustrated.

he will say ‘oh I went to the shops on the way home and got these things (lists them) at some point I’ll look for one of the items to be told ‘I didn’t actually go to the shops or he did but didn’t actually get the items he said???? It’s driving me mad

He lies. You know that now, so I guess the question is why do you stay ?

Have you asked him why he lied? Does he say he must have forgotten, or been mistaken?

Doesn’t know why he does it and says sorry each time. Often volunteers the information and doesn’t try to cover up lies just lies about stuff, little things all the time
I guess there could be big lies too but nothing I’m aware of

That’s what I’m asking myself today

I've heard that this is some sort of disorder but I can't remember the name of it.

I'd have a conversation with him and tell him it's a problem tour you and he needs to work on it (by himself or with a professional) or you can't stay with him.

If he's genuine in his explanation then I would be looking at getting him checked out by a neurologist. Does he get upset when you challenge him on the lies?

The other reason could be that he's running two sets of lives and he's getting confused. That may not mean he's actually running a second life. It could be that he's spending a lot of time with one person and getting mixed up with what conversations he's having with who.

I wouldn't bother either trying to understand it, or encouraging him to change. Why the fuck would you?? That way lies a hell of a lot of mindfuckery, disappointment, and a hell of a lot of insecurity and anxiety. Just get rid of him and I guarantee you will be lighter, safer, and more secure. You cannot depend on him, and you can't trust him. Lying is his problem, don't make it yours. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I can't see anyway in which you'll be happy here without serious compromise and a reduction in basic relationship standards.

My DH tells little lies all the time and it really frustrates me, but when I think back, he always did, it just didn’t affect me before. Now that he’s retired I notice it as we are pretty much always together. If he lies to me now I call him out on it.

Did he have hypercritical parents who made him feel he couldn't do anything right and tended to attribute him with the worst possible intentions?

I used to lie quite a lot about what I was doing and why, because I'd got into the habit of believing that my real activions and motives must be unacceptable. So it was a kind of automatic defensiveness.

I did grow out of it eventually, once I surrounded myself with kindness (not saying you're not kind, OP! 😊)

actions not activions 😉 although I quite like the word "activions" and will use it in future!!

This is something affecting a family member. Some lies are harmless but depending on each person, they can, over time, have a negative impact on your life. I think most people told white lies or little lies occasionally, but some people might lie as a habit because of low self-esteem for example and if this is a long term habit, self-awareness and willingness to seek therapy could help and you would need to support them too, e.g change the way in which you interact with them, etc, but if the person is not willing to work on developing healthy relationships, then the situation might not improve and then you can either accept it or you might need to limit/cut contact