He doesn’t talk about marriage anymore. I can’t help but feel a bit heartbroken.

[Alexbulance]

I am 15 weeks pregnant today & extremely excited about having my own little best friend & tiny person to bring up. At about 7-13 weeks pregnant my emotions were awful. I felt almost depressed and I was very close to speaking to the doctor to receive some sort of therapy or antidepressants. During this time my partner & I argued a lot & I cried 5 times per day. He said that I have pushed him away but when I ask him if he feels differently about me he says he feels the same as he used to & still loves me the same.

This was a planned pregnancy & we always used to talk about our future baby before he/she was conceived. He also always used to talk about marriage every other day & how he can’t wait to propose to me. He doesn’t seem excited about our pregnancy & the prospect of being a dad again (he has an 8 year old from a previous relationship). He also doesn’t talk about marriage or engagement anymore. To be honest with you all it’s breaking my heart & making me feel extremely miserable. He seems distant & not as affectionate with me anymore.

What should I do? How can I make myself feel more positive about the future? I’m scared of potentially being a single mum….

Don't know if this will help but as soon as you feel them negative thoughts starting to creep in...shut it down. Think positive, positive, POSITIVE!

He says he still loves you. GOOD! Before you go to sleep every night, think of 3 happy things in your life that you are grateful for...

Do you and your boyfriend live together, it isn't clear.

Why didn't you want to get married before starting a family? If you weren't bothered about marriage then why are you bothered that he now doesn't seem to want to marry you? What was he waiting for to propose? You said your boyfriend couldn't wait to propose.

A planned pregnancy, so why didn’t you get married first if it was important to you? That’s not a dig, I’m genuinely curious. Are you planning to give the child his name too even though you’re not married?

It could be that he will still want to get married at some point, or maybe he won’t, but if it’s important to you, don’t passively wait around with your fingers crossed, tell him! And please, please don’t compromise yourself financially by being a SAHM without the protection of marriage.

Marriage doesn’t have to be before pregnancy. It is still important to me that we get married one day.

I work full time for an NHS ambulance service, I work full time & most certainly cannot afford to be a stay at home mum, never will.

Yes we do live together. I am bothered about marriage that’s why I’m upset about him not seeming interested in it anymore….I did say that in the post.

I’m asking for advice & positivity not asking to be questioned.

Thank you. That’s a good idea, I’m going to do that each night ☺️

Marriage doesn’t have to be before pregnancy. It is still important to me that we get married one day.

Well, it might have made more sense to say "No marriage, no baby carriage" and set an ultimatum? At the very least, it's a decent test to see if a guy is actually committed to you or if he is just enjoying sex and someone to make the house/flat nice, and is keeping his options open in case something tastier comes along.

I'd have the conversation now and make it clear I expected an answer, one way or another. If he refused to marry me, I'd either walk, or at least start planning my life on the assumption I'll most likely be a single mother before too long - I'm not trying to be ghoulish or horrible, just being statistically realistic here (the majority of cohabiting unmarried parents split up within a few years).

I mean this with kindness but do you think your hormones may still be at play here? Perhaps your partner is planning a proposal? Perhaps he think a wedding with the child as part of the wedding party would be great? Maybe he think one huge life change is enough to deal with right now?

Perhaps speak to the GP and explain how you feel in general-you have a stressful and emotional job anyway, without pregnancy hormones and worries.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Give your partner time to adjust to this - it is a big thing. Even a planned pregnancy takes a bit of adjusting to. Bide your time and try to calm down - not easy with hormones running riot I know!

I am sure your tiny person will be lovely - but not a best friend! Children need something different from that!

No it doesn’t, but you’ve absolutely lost some of your power in the situation now, especially if you give the child his name.

Some people just really like to stick the boot in don't they. Perhaps all those people suggesting you should have married before pregnancy could possibly turn back the clock to when they weren't such relationship gurus and out to kick folk when they're down

Right well as you aren’t bothered about tradition enough to insist on being married before a baby, then why are you holding on to the tradition that he has to be the one to propose ? Or that anyone has to propose - can you start a sensible conversation about marriage and see if it’s something he actually wants, and if not why not. (If he claims it’s just a bit of paper, or it doesn’t matter, be clear it matters to you so why not do it to keep you happy if it’s just a bit of paper. If it’s that he doesn’t see you lasting long term and wants it to be easier to leave, you deserve to know that now so you make plans based on that.)

definitely give your baby your surname - there’s a process in place for changing that later if you marry and want all 3 of you to have the same surname.

But mainly be kind to yourself, the early stages of pregnancy can be brutal - both physically and mentally.

Have you asked him how he’s feeling?

People forget that men struggle with pregnancy too. Maybe he’s overwhelmed too.

Why don’t you propose?

Btw talking about marriage and proposing ‘every other day’ and doing nothing about it would do my head in.

With the most amount of kindness, I think your hormones are all over the place and you’re catastrophising :)

If you want to get married talk to him about it, tell him you want to set a date rather than waiting for a ‘proposal’?

Why do you need him to propose if you’ve already discussed and agreed you want to get married? Just agree a plan like adults and get it sorted.

Talk to him? Marriage isn’t something women wait around passively for men to bestow on them. Sit down with him and say hey Bob, you know I’d really like to get married. Can we have a serious discussion about it, set a date, start planning yada yada. I despair at how many women on here seem to sit meekly waiting for a proposal rather than taking control of their own lives.

Aw it sounds like you've had a hard time adjusting to those first trimester hormones :( thankfully they settle down somewhat!

Also, me and my partner are expecting and marriage is important to me but we're not married yet!.. I don't see why that matters so much to people lol. You're worried because of a change in his behaviour.

My DP used to talk about marriage and weddings All. The. Time.

It randomly just stopped and when I brought it up he told me he felt pressured!... Even though he was always the driver behind the conversations. Anyway I felt really quite upset, didn't mention it to him and then he proposed randomly one day. I don't know if they get pre-cold feet sometimes? They're weird creatures, men.

Could you talk to your guy about how you feel? Did he know how badly you struggled with the first trimester? From your perspective.

Lastly, it'll allllllll settle back down. Pregnancy is quite a ride 😂 it's easy to let our hormones get the better of us sometimes. Focus on your little baby in your belly ❤️

He also always used to talk about marriage every other day & how he can’t wait to propose to me.

If he was that excited why didn't he do it? I'm sorry op but some men do this to string women along and stop them from leaving. They have no desire to actually marry. Start asking yourself why his actions didn't meet his words.

Pregnancy can take a horrendous toll on a relationship due to the fluctuating hormones. Certainly speak to your GP if its making you feel out of control. In the meantime do not go to bed without writing down positive thoughts. Wake up and think of one positive thought. Push out the negatives. It is hard to do though

If marriage is that important to you then why did you not get married before getting pregnant?

Judging by so many threads on here there is every chance once baby comes along your OH will just never propose.

You need to have an honest talk with him. Tell him you want to be married and ask when the wedding will be. You should be able to have that sort of conversation with someone you love.

How old are you? You saying you can't wait to have your own little best friend makes you sound like a child

TBH, if you’re arguing a lot then it’s possible that he’s holding off proposing because let’s be honest, the relationship isn’t currently in the best place.

That doesn’t mean the relationship can’t recover but this really isn’t the right time to talk about marriage. Wait until your relationship is back on track.

Before you go to sleep every night, think of 3 happy things in your life that you are grateful for...

Wot, like Pollyanna?

OP, I had DS 4 years before DH and I got married. When I was pregnant everyone asked if we were going to get married but tbh, we weren't sure. We hadn't been together long and didn't want to just get married because I was pregnant. We wanted to do it when we wanted to.
Sometimes I felt more ready than DH and other times he felt more ready than me. We finally decided to do it after 2 years and then spent 2 years planning and saving.

As long as you have your own finances and support network then you don't have to get married. If you're going to stop working and become reliant on him for everything then it would make more sense.

It depends a lot on your own circumstances.

That said, if he has gone off the idea of marriage then you need a conversation about it. You shouldn't be strung along.

I agree. I had both of my babies 'out of wedlock' and married after but marriage wasn't important to me for many reasons.

But marrying before pregnancy does kind of avoid the position you're in now which is one you didn't want to be in.