Wavering on split. Help me stay strong!

[Liveyourlife1]

I posted before about whether to leave my DH after cold and distant treatment over the last couple of years (at least). No affection offered by him and all affection rejected if I went for a hug etc. No kind words, no compliments, no emotional support. Every time I asked what was going on he said he didn't know, just couldn't touch me.

I was at the last straw and decided I could no longer live this sad life and told him. Not the first time we've had this conversation but think he realised it was crunch time. We've had lots of talks, he thinks his mental health issues have caused it. Posters on here said it was emotional abuse. I'm not sure and to be honest I'm past the point of needing a reason.

We decided to split amicably but it's so weird because it's like the pressure is off, the elephant in the room is gone and he's being nice to me. We've had some really deep conversations - the closeness and connection I've been craving all this time. So I'm questioning my decision. Can we save things? Is it normal to feel this way? It's like an emotional rollercoaster.

Anyone?

Don't do it. Sometimes we think it's better the devil you know but it isn't. This won't change. You shouldn't have to beg for affection. Stay strong. Treat yourself right in 2023 and that includes how you let others treat you. You deserve better.

It is very telling that he is being nice to you now that the prospect of splitting up has been agreed on. This is what he wants. Are you sure there isn't another woman?

Do not further question your decision to leave him. I daresay going forward he will not be amicable either. How are your plans going re separation, keep at those.

This is him being "nice" to you as his gravy train life with you is about to come to an end.

He doesn't want his marriage to end.
I would say this is literally copied from the abusers handbook.
It goes in cycles, he is abusive then when he realises its gone too far, & his comfy set up is about to be blown out if the water, he starts being amiable & understanding, makes an effort & all the things you wanted previously.
Dont cave, tell him you want a separation & TIME to evaluate & recover. If there is any hope of reconciliation, he needs to prove he can really change, not just make an effort for a few weeks
The chances are he will do full circle when you insist he leaves. & revert to his true bastard self

He’s playing you like a fiddle. Do not change your plans.

The fact he’s doing this now makes him an even worse partner than you thought he was. It shows he was always able of giving you what you needed. Bollocks to it being about the pressure being off. It shows he only really cares about himself. This man deprived you of love and affection for years. Better single than that, I reckon. Get him gone and kept him gone.

You say the divorce is amicable. He probably knew that your feelings were stronger for him than his feelings were for you. That would have created a power imbalance in his favour. I’m sure he wants to be in control again.

he’s probably trying to keep you sweet to make the divorce easier, and possibly hoping your good feelings towards him make you more generous in regard to the financial settlement.

He knows what to do when it’s for his own benefit.

The fact you don’t say that he’s begging for you back, or making promises to change (unless he is?) show that he just doesn’t care.

So, I left my husband in October. Fed up with his anger and control. We shared the house, moved in and out (I mainly stayed) to look after the children. The cross over times were actually really amicable. Talked about everything that had happened and how I felt etc. He began therapy, he had a huge light bulb moment. He had no idea about how his mental health was ruining our relationship (he's been he has OCD and anxiety. The OCD explains a lot of the controlling behaviours). I had no intention of taking him back, next step was him getting his own place etc. Anyway, over Christmas we spent a lot of time together because of the shared house and the children (6 and 3). We got on really well but it was really cruel on both of us, I got confused, he was sad etc. I decided to give him a 2nd chance as he's getting help and genuinely wants to be a better person. I think he deserves a 2nd chance. We are taking it very slowly and we both know it might not work. There might not be a motive, he might be genuine. I've been with my husband for 17 years and wasn't always like this, can pinpoint when it all started, I know he's not playing me, he's genuinely sorry and has seeked help.