Need to split up but don't want to lose my niece/nephew

[PanicAtTheBigTesco]

I feel like this doesn't crop up very often on here as posters seem to think their in-laws are mainly their partners problem and that's it but just wondering if anyone else has felt like this and how you overcame it.

Basically I need to leave DP, he's not cheated but may as well have with other boundaries he has crossed and has clearly lost all respect for me, and with that I've lost all my trust in him. However the one thing that is stopping me ending it is our (his, but as we have been together so long I've been involved their whole life) niece and nephew, plus another new nephew due any day. I love them so much and can't bear to think of not seeing them again however I know that is what will happen if we split up.

Has anyone been through this and how did you deal with it? I know I need to leave him but can't bear the thought of losing them

What's your relationship like with their parents?

I'm fairly close with my DPs sister but not close enough to think she would maintain contact once we separated and he inevitably gave his BS side of the story, at the end of the day we aren't married and don't have kids so there's really no reason for me to remain in contact with them?

It is unpredictable of course but fwiw; my ex had an Aunt by marriage who was not genetically part of the family but she was a very central part of the family despite not being related. I hope that can happen for you. As a pp asked; how is your relationship with the parents of your niblings? I’m sure they love you back. Love is love. Maybe talk to their parents. Even though you’re only their relative by marriage, supportive adults in a child’s life are always good. You say ‘you know’ you wouldn’t see them again. How do you know that?

^^as in I feel like that is how they will feel, however I will be devastated to never see niece/nephew again.

Also how old are they? If they are old enough to say they love you and want you in their lives surely their parents will be okay with that? If your twatty partner is abusive they've probably picked up on that x

They are 8 and 2, me and DP have been together 6 years so I've been Aunty to both for as long as they remember but I also feel it's too young for the 8 y/o to fully understand and want to continue a relationship with me?

I think all you can do is after you've split, text the mum and say I would love it if I could still see them as I really will miss them but understand if you don't want to.
I mean these things are messy aren't they so it's possible she'll say no. But if the 8 year wants to see you for example then she might say yes. As 8 year old is old enough for this to make a difference if you have a good relationship

Explain to the child's parents that you would love to maintain contact but be prepared for it to sizzle out. I was very involved with my ex's family, his parents were like grandparents to my ds, his sisters and I were very good friends, his nephew and my ds were good friends but once he met someone new and she became involved with the family things changed and that was understandable.

I wish there were more around like you.
Good luck x

I think unfortunately it’s just part of breaking up. When you’re done with a relationship, it’s often the extended family that you’ll miss the most.

When this happened in our family, the ex partner wrote a little letter saying to the children saying it was lovely to have got to know them, and she hoped she’d see them soon.

She didn’t, because its awkward maintaining relationships with siblings exes, but it probably made her feel a bit better. It’s all very sad, but I think it’s inevitable that you’ll lose contact with them, especially given their ages

Thanks everyone, I'm sure even if we did keep in contact it would soon fizzle out, not sure why I posted really as I knew what the answer would be! Just another part of a break up to come to terms with

Ah thank you, it certainly feels like most on here couldn't care less about their in laws (even when they have seeming good relationships).

Unless you are separately friendly with their mother it will fizzle out. Tbh it would fizzle out anyway as the children grow older and focus on their friends more.

OP I think the real problem here is that you would love children of your own? So you are right to cut contact with this partner who is not making you happy and free yourself to meet someone who can give you the family I suspect you want. Good luck!

My friend is in a similar situation. Her and boyfriend have just split and she is very attached to her bil and sil and their baby. Luckily they have reached out and said they would like to keep in touch and stay in her life.

I split with ex dh over 15 years ago and I remember feeling the same as you op.
I managed to remain in their lives, so much so, that my 2 eldest nieces now refer to my dh as Uncle!