Firstly, can I request no negativity or unkindness? I just need a supportive listener (/reader).
I will try and keep it short 🤞
My partner and I both have similar relationship histories - abusive and neglectful partners. I went through counseling and doesn't feel confident or comfortable too. He has bad anxiety and low self-esteem.
His last relationship broke down just as the first lockdown was being implemented. They decided to cohabit in separate rooms, as her family lived abroad. Once rules allowed, he moved into his parents putting distance between them and giving her time to move out of his house. Our relationship started months after he moved out. He was honest about her and his situation. He showed me text messages of her refusing to leave or even pay rent etc. We sought legal advice and the solicitor's letter finalised a moving out date (a year and a half into our relationship). On said date, she appeared at my house whilst I was alone. She showed me sexting between him and her. She was more forthcoming than him, and he responded with few words. However, 2 explicit photos were shared. She told me that he would go to the house to her before work, but we went to work together every day - she was trying to manipulate parts of the situation. I left my house and a note for him for when he got there. I didn't return for 3 hours. I have never seen someone so broken. He answered every question I had and gave me his phone. He thought if he played along she would be compliant and leave his house. He was physically being sick with anxiety during our conversations. The following day he changed his number and we decided to work it out. I spoke about how I felt every day until I no longer needed to and he always listened, always communicated openly. He worked hard to make amends.
A quick short month later, I fell pregnant. The timing was not ideal so soon after but we were happy. I am now in my 3rd trimester. His anxiety is bad. He is convinced my parents are not happy that he is the father and now doesn't want to see them. I compliment him and he disagrees with it. He reads into things when there is nothing to read into. The mother of his teenage child was controlling and didn't allow him to see their child. Saying the child is better off without him etc. I reassure him that I am proud to raise a child with him.
I am trying to put him first. Build his self-esteem and undo the nastiness of previous girlfriends. But it is hard. When he is struggling, I can't help but analyze if I have done something wrong. My hormones kick in, I get upset and then there is a communication breakdown. I keep having triggers of when she knocked on the door and the whole situation. I haven't told anyone about that day. His parents know and they said they hated her. I feel stuck in how I am meant to be processing everything, whilst growing a child and trying to ease his PTSD.
Argh!