Boundaries after family fallout

[Whyisitsososohard]

Hi everyone I've been around on mumsnet for a while but just created an account as I'm really struggling after an argument with my parents and maintaining boundaries.

I'm 37 so a grown adult, no kids but a partner of 18 years. We sold our house and moved out in November and due to the crazy housing market in the summer we had a gap between agreeing a sale and having an offer accepted meaning or new home won't complete until end of Jan. So we put most of our stuff in storage and stayed wit my parents, they have a large house.

I had an awful argument with my dad earlier this week. We don't have a good or close relationship but we tend to just get on with things and it's not hostile. But he started asking me about some issues my sis is having with her soon to be ex husband. He was pretty rude and unpleasant. I know he has a temper so I tried to remain calm. The conversation was going no where so I said calmly, I'm getting upset and angry about this. He then flipped and got angry and started shouting. He then told me to fuck off very aggressively.

As we are just staying in their home I thought we should leave. As I don't think it's acceptable to speak to someone like that in your home and I felt like he didn't want me there.

So we're now in a hotel and have booked (a very expensive due to last min) air b and b apartment for a few weeks.

I'm reeling and very upset. My mum is too who was there when this all happened and I feel did very little to defend me. But he is a bully tbh.

I feel like for once I'm creating a boundary and saying I won't live with a person who treats me like this and now following through on it is hard and upsetting. My mum is really upset we won't be coming back but I've tried to say although my decision he's caused this. But feel she thinks I'm being difficult.

I don't know why I'm posting just for any solidarity or support maybe. I want to know if I am being difficult and should just get over it. I also feel foolish I thought we could stay for 2 months and it work out OK. I should have known he was horrible and it would've hard.

I know people make mistakes in the heat of the moment but he's an awful person and he's been selfish and massively self involved my whole life. So feel like he doesn't get tobetbat unkind and be forgiven.

I also started a new job that day and this has been hugely disruptive for me.

Sorry its long thanks for reading

Unfortunately from what you describe, it seems inevitable that living with your DPs was going to cause a rupture at some point. Two months is a long time and you had been there for over a month already.

You absolutely did the right thing moving out and going forward should only stay with DPs for the occasional night as visitors. I would let the dust settle for a while with your DM and DF and good luck with the new job !

I think you're right with it being likely this would happen. Which is why I feel foolish. But my mum is so used to him she was very positive about us staying. We did also pull our weight with lots of cleaning and cooking, BTW.

It's good to hear you don't think I was dramatic to move out. Although I'm prepared to see other side to things if other have different views. As my head is so messed up I don't know what is reasonable anymore.

Now the hard thing is to follow through and not just pretend it's all fine.