What do I do

[Savvysis]

Hi. Need advice please
When me and my partner met I was in full time work. He was sporadic with working. His line of work meant he could work for a while then live off what he would earn for a while, then find another job or he just wouldnt work at all. He lived at home so it didnt matter to him
We moved in together and he still didnt work with any regularity but my wages covered it.
We had a baby... i gave up work, he stepped up... too much. Hes out from 7am til gone midnight some days. Some days its earlier, around 8. Then he will take on private jobs at weekend. If hes here hes always picking at me... if he has a day off he gets drunk n lays in bed with hangover next day
My son has special needs. Im struggling. My partner could work for half the time and we would be ok financially..we have low rent as well.
He is very mean with what he earns... he even borrows money off me! I got an evening job to get out and i wanted to contribute but he kept letting me down by coming home too late to look after son. I also wanted a bit of spending money for me..but im broke, no petrol, no clothes etc while he must have a lot of money pugged away, but he tells me he is broke
I dont know what to do. Advice please

Anyone?

Love, you need to divorce him and go it alone.

I strongly suspect he isn't working from 8am till midnight. More likely he is out gambling. Or, has another woman. Or both.

Either way, he is a shitty, abusive partner and its time to send him back to mammy and daddy.

There's no way he's working all those hours! And then for him to be broke, too? It doesn't make any sense.

Ps: find records of his earnings and jero them somewhere safe. When he is out you can claim child support.

Look into what other aid you may be entitled to. For example, you'll get council tax discount if you are the only adult in the property.

He needs to go though. NEVER give him money again. And make sure you have your own money in your own bank account that he has no access to. Do that before telling him its over.

You're not married, are you?

How old is baby?

How severe the special needs?

Do you have a career to return to?

Thanks for replies.
I know he likes to control the money.. he doesnt want me having any for whatever reason.
Quite frankly hes not very pleasant to be around so i am better off if hes at work... its like hes the big I am because he works and he doesnt treat me with any respect.
I have no answers as to where the money is... or if im 100% certain hes at work
I dont know whats going on, i have tried talking to him but nothing changes

LaLuz7.. hes 3, not married... the special needs- my son wakes during the night so get hardly any sleep and he is exhausting as hes on the go non stop and hes non verbal.
My partner wants me to work full time.. but how? I dont get any sleep... my son goes nursery twice a week but i often have to go get him before the sessions over.
Im so fed up

He obviously contributes nothing to your family life. You might as well leave him and claim all the benefits you can get.

Go after child maintenance but don't rely on getting it. He sounds like the type to hide his income.

He sounds like a very cruel and uncaring individual OP. I don't know how you have put up with it for so long. Make a change

He doesn't want you having money because that would make it easier to leave him. I mean that much is obvious. That's how abusive man are. It's called financial abuse by the way, and it's illegal.

Seriously op, start making an escape plan.

And stop wasting your time talking to him. There is no point telling a lion that it is chewing on your leg! It knows. It intends to!

Ask yourself of this mans actions towards you: do they sound like things a person who loves you does? OR a things aerson who hates you does?

Exactly. Get out of there.

You can work full time.

You just have to explain to the “big man” that you would love to share the workload and finances and share the childcare and the getting up with your ds each night and the cooking and the cleaning and the shopping and pretty much everything else that goes with your life.

If he isn’t willing to do that then I would explain that despite him saying he wants you in a f/t job he needs to be realistic with himself because he knows deep down he prefers you at home so you really don’t want to hear anymore nonsense from him about full time jobs because you and he both know he doesn’t mean it

Personally I would go on the entitled to website and find out what you would be entitled to and go for shared care. That way if he says he is working all these hours then he is going to have to come up with the wages he is earning for all those hours. In which case you can get a healthy CM award.

I would look into Financial Abuse among other things.

OP this is financial abuse he is subjecting you to- it’s a form of coercive control. Have a look here for more info www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/
Please contact Women’s Aid and ask for help, you shouldn’t have to live like this xx

Writing it out makes me realise how bad it is, because i have been doubting myself.
I know what i have to do, its just finding it in me to do it