Relocate or stay near their Dad????

[Letmeoffthisrollercoaster]

Hello,

I'll try to keep this brief and appreciate advice especially from anyone who's been in a similar situation...

Divorced last year after a few unhappy years married - despite trying to keep our family together the final straw was after finding out he was on a dating site 'for some attention' I a few months later discovered he was flirting on messenger with an old gf and telling her he was "in a shitty marriage". I felt forced to sell our family home as he and his mother wanted his share of its worth regardless of the fact he was blatantly showing he didn't care where his kids (then 9 and 3) would end up. I couldn't face court and the stress to try to stay in our home and thought moving out would emotionally be better so agreed to sell up and me and the kids now are renting a house nearby to minimise disruption school, friends etc.

My dilemma is that I'd like to move away from the town (I have good friends here who have been fantastic support, but my family aren't here and I only moved here when I met the ex). But I know despite their Dad being very difficult to co parent with and a self centred idiot, my children adore him and want to stay near him. I don't want to cause more ructions in their lives but he's not a good influence, reliable or a good role model for them especially my now 10 year old son and as much as he needs to be part of their lives I'd prefer to move within 90 mins of here so he can still have them everywhere weekend but it would reduce the input and interference he has in our daily lives. At the moment hes 10 mins away and a pain in the arse. He doesnt want them any more than he needs to (likes to see them but not to have them more than 'looks right', is still living with his poisonous mother and pays minimum child maintenance due to his lack of ambition and effort in a job on a low wage. He has alot of money from the house sale but doesnt help out with anything the children need.

My partner whom I've been with for 9m lives an hour away and eventually later next year we'd like to live together but I'm not sure I'm ready to move the three of us over to where he lives and my son isnt ready to live with my partner, saying he misses and feels sorry for his dad. If we move away I'd like to already know someone there (friend or family).

So do I move us for a fresh start but close enough that their Dad can still see them, or do we stay put in an area I can't afford to buy in, near their dad and his family (mother and siblings) who I feel aren't good for our chIldren?🤯🤯🤯

Typo: Every other weekend not everywhere

I believe, because I looked into moving for similar reasons, he can make it difficult for you to move their school without his approval. If he is the kind to take you to court I suspect being the resident parent and wanting to be near family support is probably a sound enough reason and the distance to travel eow isn't insane. Personally I say go for it. As you said, he's not reliable, difficult to Co parent with, and you do most of the childcare anyway

Thank you
The move wouldn't be nearer my family sadly as another reason to move is for more affordable housing but it would still be within 90 mins of my family x

He could take you to court for a prohibited steps order / specific issue order preventing you from moving the children's schools.
As I'm assuming he's on their birth certificate he would have PR.

You could always attempt meditation first and then if this isn't successful; go to court. (Meditation has to happen before court anyway - unless there's been DV / it's an emergency order)

90 minutes when he only has EOW is reasonable but a court would like make you do the travelling.

He could apply for a prohibitive steps order but if you are moving to house the DC securely and are in the same jurisdiction and it's not affecting contact he would unlikely to be successful.

Best speak to a specialist solicitor though.

You need to separate your feelings about your ex and consider what's best for your children.

After the upheaval of their parents separating, do you want to add moving schools, losing friends and social activities onto that? Also, travelling even 90 minutes every weekend will be difficult for them.

Your children will benefit from a good relationship with both parents. Only you know if that can be maintained if you move.

and dont forget the new boyfriend

Friend had this with difficult ex. Took 9 months via the courts (Covid has backed up cases)

She had to prove the move was for the benefit of the children - researched schools clubs family support etc - at 90 mins away that won’t count as daily support or emergency support etc

Look up the parameters for moving in the child’s best interests. You have a lot of work to do.

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. Indeed I do have a lot to think about and appreciate everyone's input x

Moving away from their dad who in your own words you say “They adore” and also moving schools does not sound in their best interest to me. I would say stay and try to keep their lives as stable as possible. Your feelings about your ex and his behaviour don’t really come into it and I’m not sure why you felt the need to share that bit. It’s almost like you are trying to convince yourself that it’s the right decision.