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Original poster

Can it work?

14 replies

Littlelostsheep · 05/01/2023 21:30

Partner and I have had a difficult few weeks and it all came to a head recently when he said he feels like he has fallen out of love a bit. Fine, that's how he feels and I'm glad he has had the balls to pipe up and tell me.

I had been feeling a bit like we were drifting apart, and a lot of what he is saying now is how I had been feeling previously.

After a lot of thinking we have decided that we want to see how it goes, his seasonal craziness with work has hopefully ended and I am starting a new job, which was offered to me four months ago so it has been a long and soul destroying few months for me.

I feel really positive and full of ideas about how we can get the excitement back, he is more hidden emotionally but says he has hope and wants us to get back to how we were previously.

My question is though, is there any point or are we flogging a dead horse here?

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 19:47

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
teomama · 09/01/2023 19:52

Hey, I don't think anyone can answer that for you as no one can really say if the relationship is on a breakdown point, or you're simply going through crisis. What caused you to fall out of love, to begin with? How long have you been together, any children? Would be great if you could share more.

Original poster
Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 19:57

He says I've not been so outgoing and positive which has led him to question whether he has fallen out of love with me as he feels he no longer makes me happy. I would have to agree that I've not been so upbeat, and think my previous job had a massive impact on myemtal health, not clinical depression for example, but definitely low mood and a feeling of being unfulfilled that I shouldn't have let impact our relationship.

We have been together almost three years and no children.

OP posts:
teomama · 09/01/2023 20:18

OP, I'd definitely try to re-energise the relationship. Can you try some fun things - travel, SPA, hiking etc. Whatever used to bring pleasure.
BUT, at the same time don't let him guilt trip you, we all go through bad periods and your partner should be supportive. Ultimately, you'll sense whether it's worth making more effort or not.

Original poster
Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 21:07

Thanks for your response, we were planning to do exactly that.. making time for eachother and getting out and doing things together that we used to enjoy. We were away over Christmas visiting family and I think constantly being together didn't help matters.

Onwards and upwards I hope, I know I haven't been prefect but sometimes feel he struggles to take a step back and recognise where he has gone wrong too.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 09/01/2023 21:19

Does he think it's his job to make you happy? Do you?

LikeTearsInRain · 09/01/2023 21:22

sounds like you have a plan.

try to make an effort to shag every week too, stops it feeling like just a friendship

Original poster
Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 21:27

@watchkeys I don't think he think it's his job to make me happy, but I do see where he is coming from with regards to me not being as fun as I was before. I certainly don't think it's his job to make me happy.

OP posts:
Mercyovermerit · 09/01/2023 21:40

Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 21:07

Thanks for your response, we were planning to do exactly that.. making time for eachother and getting out and doing things together that we used to enjoy. We were away over Christmas visiting family and I think constantly being together didn't help matters.

Onwards and upwards I hope, I know I haven't been prefect but sometimes feel he struggles to take a step back and recognise where he has gone wrong too.

”….constantly being together didn’t help matters “
What do you mean by this ? I’d imagine being together is what you’d rather , if you two really do like each other ?

Olsi1009 · 09/01/2023 21:40

People go through difficult patches at points in life. If my DH fell out of love with me when I have patches of being down, stressed etc or vice Versa we'd be in and out of love a good few times a year and I would personally feel exhausted at having to put on a fun and outgoing head at a low point just so my DH wouldn't fall out of love with me. I would probably leave him, it wouldn't be a worthwhile relationship to me I'm afraid.

Original poster
Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 21:48

Mercyovermerit · 09/01/2023 21:40

”….constantly being together didn’t help matters “
What do you mean by this ? I’d imagine being together is what you’d rather , if you two really do like each other ?

Show quote history

As in we stayed with my family (we don't live together as I won't live in a building site - project house) and we had to put on a face while we were there, hold it together and had no space from eachother to think.

OP posts:
Mercyovermerit · 09/01/2023 21:56

Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 21:48

As in we stayed with my family (we don't live together as I won't live in a building site - project house) and we had to put on a face while we were there, hold it together and had no space from eachother to think.

Show quote history

I get your point. I just still do not understand finding being in the same space as someone I REALLY like “draining “ ( my word). I’m guessing you two have no kids together yet, which suggests it’s even a better time for the “just us “ moments ?

Look, all I’m saying is in your shoes , if I were to feel this way about a partner I’m not married to, with nothing keeping us together, ( kids, etc ) I absolutely wouldn’t pursue it. You do not sound like you like each other that much, in my opinion.

Original poster
Littlelostsheep · 09/01/2023 21:57

Mercyovermerit · 09/01/2023 21:56

I get your point. I just still do not understand finding being in the same space as someone I REALLY like “draining “ ( my word). I’m guessing you two have no kids together yet, which suggests it’s even a better time for the “just us “ moments ?

Look, all I’m saying is in your shoes , if I were to feel this way about a partner I’m not married to, with nothing keeping us together, ( kids, etc ) I absolutely wouldn’t pursue it. You do not sound like you like each other that much, in my opinion.

Show quote history

I get what you're saying, I certainly don't feel like he likes me very much right now lol

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 09/01/2023 21:59

Olsi1009 · 09/01/2023 21:40

People go through difficult patches at points in life. If my DH fell out of love with me when I have patches of being down, stressed etc or vice Versa we'd be in and out of love a good few times a year and I would personally feel exhausted at having to put on a fun and outgoing head at a low point just so my DH wouldn't fall out of love with me. I would probably leave him, it wouldn't be a worthwhile relationship to me I'm afraid.

This

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