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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Panicking I'm pregnant and need to talk and can't irl

28 replies

pinkypowder · 05/01/2023 14:38

Sorry this is long. I'm married. Have one dc 9. Dh has been adamant ever since having dc that we won't be having any more. I wanted more but accepted that I'd rather stay with him and have one dc than be apart.

Last week in all the Christmas new year's 'fun' we had unprotected sex because I'd forgotten to bring my pill and we were away. He knew, we had sex and he pulled out. But now he's saying he can't remember if he pulled out on time and every day this week he's asking me if I'm on my period yet which has got me really worried.

I can't even work out when my period is due now and am panicking. I know the right thing to do is wait and make sure I am actually pregnant but I can't get my head straight. Just don't know why I allowed such a stupid thing to happen. In absolute panic tbh. No one to speak to irl. Too ashamed to admit to being so wreckless as well.
I am also feeling very guilty about all the selfish hope I have inside that I am pregnant too as I'm 37. Hoping someone can just talk some kind of sense with me. D

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 05/01/2023 14:39

Well why didn't he wear a condom if he's that bothered

Hellamegafuckup · 05/01/2023 14:42

I'm really sorry you are in this situation. I'm also waiting for mine to start and freaking out. I was more stupid as I'm not with anyone and already have a 6 year old. I don't know what to say apart from I get how you are feeling and hope we both get the results we want

QueenSmartypants · 05/01/2023 14:44

You don't need to be ashamed. His hassling of you is inducing panic. Tell him to back off and if you find out you are you will obviously tell him.

Original poster
pinkypowder · 05/01/2023 14:47

@teaandtoastwithmarmite we usually use one but we were away. And drunk, stupid stupid wreckless decision.

@QueenSmartypants thanks. Yes I wish he'd back off. I'm already feeling sick with panic after he said he's not sure if he pulled out in time and also chasing after where my period is and that making me feel like I'm pregnant because I feel sick but I'm sure it's just with worry.
Have no idea though. need to get myself into a calmer place.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 05/01/2023 19:29

Even if he did pull out before ejaculation you can still get pregnant before that point. Surely he knows that though.

growgrowinggrown · 05/01/2023 19:33

Tell him what you've said here, his constant asking is making you feel awful and he needs to back off.

You will let him know as and when you get your period, and if not you'll buy a test.

He's your DH, why can't you ask for support? And why are you being interrogated like youve done this solo?

I know you said you wish you have got pregnant, but that might not work out the way you think given how anti-baby he is.

girlmom21 · 05/01/2023 19:34

He knows whether he pulled out or not. That's why he keeps asking. Are you on a pill where you take a break or not?

Pansypotter123 · 05/01/2023 19:40

If you are pregnant remind him that it does take two.

He shouldn't be putting you under this pressure. The worry this is causing you could make your period be late in any event.

Have you thought about what you would do if you have conceived?

Slimjimtobe · 05/01/2023 19:42

the asking you everyday is horrible

Rookriver · 05/01/2023 19:50

Yeah he knows he didn't pull out in time. That's why he's worried. If he's so anti baby he needs to use condoms to double up or have a vasectomy.

Dreammakerflower · 05/01/2023 19:59

Hellamegafuckup · 05/01/2023 14:42

I'm really sorry you are in this situation. I'm also waiting for mine to start and freaking out. I was more stupid as I'm not with anyone and already have a 6 year old. I don't know what to say apart from I get how you are feeling and hope we both get the results we want

Wishing you all the best

Original poster
pinkypowder · 05/01/2023 20:05

I think he knows too. I can't talk to him as I can't face him saying he doesn't want another dc. It hurts at the best of times and this is not the best of times. I think I will wait and see. I haven't had any symptoms as such. Last period was a month ago. Going to try not to worry about it until I actually know what's what. Next time he asks about my period, which will undoubtedly be soon as he's already 'checked' a few times today, then I will tell him to back off a bit. He hasn't mentioned 'dc' so is clearly avoiding that subject.

If he says he doesn't want another dc come what may. then I will have to go from there. I don't know what I'll do. Now just hoping my period turns up for an easier life!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkypowder · 05/01/2023 20:05

@Hellamegafuckup I also hope things work out for you.

OP posts:
FortSalem86 · 05/01/2023 22:29

If you are pregnant don't let him force you into an abortion if you don't want one. Sounds like he could really pressure you.

Ruffpuff · 05/01/2023 22:33

Well, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Many people have been in the position where they’ve made a silly spur of the moment decision with contraception.

iIf you are pregnant then you should expect him to take joint responsibility for his actions. Do NOT allow him to put pressure on you to do anything you don’t want to do.

SD1978 · 05/01/2023 22:39

Of your period is now die- is there a reason you haven't done a pregnancy test? Surely that will give you an answer either way?

JustKittenAround · 05/01/2023 23:41

Take a test. Then if you are pregnant decide what to do.

I mean… all this worry and hassle won’t make you any less pregnant… he needs to get off your back.

I think the real issue here is that he is immature and lacks insight into how he played a role in this who scare.

as for abortions and all that. Find out if you’re pregnant first then you can worry about next steps.

good luck op!

Original poster
pinkypowder · 06/01/2023 08:42

I have to go and get a test am going to get one later. Trying to get one without dh and we work together.

I want to know without dh knowing first because I don't want him telling me all the downsides to having another dc as he already has done before. I want to make my own decision. I want to keep it but I know he will talk me through so many reasons not to, many which are valid (we don't have any help at all and it's been hard)

So I want to process my own thoughts then take his on board and go from there. I won't automatically keep it just because I want to but I'm going find it very difficult to make a decision that doesn't allow me to.

Very sad as not sure how either of us will get through in our relationship regardless of what happens with such conflicting views on what to do. He's not asked this morning.m about any of it.

Pretty sure I am pregnant now as starting to feel like it. All I feel is extremely excited which is an utter nightmare! Trying to squash those thoughts to the back of my mind as well.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 06/01/2023 11:09

Try not to panic and test and see what happens. We had a similar situation a couple months ago. I got fed up with the pill and stopped taking it (dh well aware, I'm waiting for my referral for sterilisation to come through). We had a drunkenly throwing caution to the wind moment. I checked my app after (stupid) and it was literally my ovulation day (I'm very regular and I know). I'm 42. I've had 2 dc, youngest had just started primary. We just moved house and absolutely do not plan to move again until we are too old to get up the stairs anymore. There is no room for a 3rd child. Absolutely do not want anymore children, but would not personally have a termination.

It was 2 weeks of absolute panic. I felt very pregnant - nauseous, exhausted, etc. In the end, nauseous and exhaustion morphed into some COVID-like illness that wasn't COVID. I tested, negative. Thankfully. It was fine. But I'm literally not having sex again until my tubes are done as not going through that again!

Hope it all turns out the way you want it to. Even though I'm very relieved, we would have found a way to make it work if it hadn't gone to plan.

Bobshhh · 06/01/2023 11:11

If your period is due today and you only had sex a week ago you're unlikely to pregnant no?

emptythelitterbox · 06/01/2023 11:17

He really needs to stop pestering you about it.

If he's so adamant about not having anymore, why doesn't he go get the snip instead of dumping it all on you.

gamerchick · 06/01/2023 11:17

You had sex last week. You wouldn't know if you were pregnant yet anyway. Tell your bloke to stfu about it and you'll let him know the score when you do. He's equally responsible.

monsteramunch · 06/01/2023 11:38

If you only had sex a week ago you're not going to be able to test yet OP.

Original poster
pinkypowder · 06/01/2023 12:37

My brain is all over the place, so two weeks on Monday is when we dtd. NHS says if you don't know your period wait until 21 days to test. so I think I'll do that.

Yes I've asked him to get the snip in the past if he's so adamant he doesn't want anymore. He won't. Im panicking a lot less now than I was the other day. I think him asking me so much about where my period is made me panic more because I thought all was ok up to then. I then realised why he kept asking me about it was because he knew what happened but at the time he said he's sure he pulled out in time.
I realise how irresponsible we've both been though.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 06/01/2023 13:28

I'm sorry but there is no reason for you to feel guilty or accept the blame. It takes 2 to tango, and if he is so anti baby he should have taken full responsibility and worn a condom. It's still very easy to get pregnant before ejaculation and he would be well aware of the risk. If he's that bothered he should definitely have a vasectomy then there wouldn't be a problem. He sounds very selfish.

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