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Original poster

Separation at ten months old

10 replies

MinnieLynn · 05/01/2023 03:51

Hi Mums,

I really need help.

I have a ten month old baby.

My partner and I have had a terrible year together. We have been having a house renovated so we have had to move around renting out different places. He has got drunk every single evening. I tried to stop him but he has throughout the year used very excuse in the book for why he drinks, from behaving like it’s no big deal, and he has now decided that his reason is because I ‘erode’ him and told me he no longer loves me. So we have separated. He also told me that as I looked after our baby 24 hours a day without any support that that was me ‘keeping her away’ from him.

We don’t live in the same country as our family and friends so I am now totally alone. He treats me like I’m evil and only speaks to me via our baby, and when we have to converse he’s constantly very angry at me.

I’m so sad and scared. I have no money. I have no way of looking after our baby without him.

Please help me if you have any advice.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Muddays · 05/01/2023 05:26

You now have the space to reach out for help which is the first step towards freedom and a far better, happier life for you and your child. It's not clear what country you're in but the Samaritans are available on email: [email protected], or you can call 116 123. They can be trusted to listen and help you. Please contact them.

Rockingchai · 05/01/2023 06:48

Is there any way to come back to the UK for a “holiday”? Do you have friends or family in the IK who could give you money for flight? Any friends you can stay with there for a few days to get some head space?

Original poster
MinnieLynn · 05/01/2023 10:24

Muddays, (I’m not sure if I’m replying correctly. Want to respond under your message) thank you so much. That’s really helpful. I’m in Europe but my fam and friends are UK. I really do need to start looking forward but being blamed for his behaviour is so difficult to deal with. I feel like I need to develop a monk level of zen. And half a million pounds to buy a flat. Thank you x

OP posts:
80s · 05/01/2023 10:28

Which country are you in?
Before you take the baby and run back to the UK, as that's illegal without the dad's consent it might be worth seeing if he'd actually give you his consent first.

Original poster
MinnieLynn · 05/01/2023 10:28

Hi Rockingchai, thank you for your response. I’m very grateful. I came back to England for Christmas but I’ve promised to go back. He has rented an apartment for the next six months for me and baby to live in whilst I sort myself out. But he’s already tried to put me on a tab by telling me I have to pay him back for her bed. He knows I don’t have an income so being in dept to him before I’ve even gone back is worrying. I wish I wasn’t going back but I promised to give it six months.

OP posts:
80s · 05/01/2023 10:30

How much time has the baby spent in the UK so far during her life?

Original poster
MinnieLynn · 05/01/2023 10:31

80s · 05/01/2023 10:28

Which country are you in?
Before you take the baby and run back to the UK, as that's illegal without the dad's consent it might be worth seeing if he'd actually give you his consent first.

Hi 80s,
Not sure if I’m responding correctly so you will see this. Thanks for your reply. He allowed us to leave for Christmas but I’ve promised to go back. He has agreed I can move back to England if I can’t find a way to support myself.

OP posts:
80s · 05/01/2023 10:37

You can't rely on him to keep his word, though, so if you are already in the UK and the child has been living there, you'd be well advised to stay there so that after 6 months the UK may be considered to be the child's habitual place of residence.
Get it in writing - signed ideally - that he is OK with the child living in the UK.
And speak to a lawyer about the implications of the Hague Convention on child abduction.

80s · 05/01/2023 10:50

You don't say which country you're in, but here's an information page from Germany (in English) that gives a good general idea.
www.bundesjustizamt.de/EN/Topics/FamilyMattersInternational/Custody/Return/Return_node.html#AnkerDokument44326

You sound unsure as to whether you could support yourself in the other country. Do you speak the language?

Remember that if you decide to sacrifice your earning potential so that the dad sees his child more, then you could well be in the other country for at least 17 years. If at that point your child wants to stay in her home country, you'd be there until the child leaves home, then you'd have to decide whether you wanted to go back to the UK or see your chiild regularly.

Don't make any decisions based on the idea of not annoying/inconveniencing the dad or his family.

Muddays · 05/01/2023 12:58

@MinnieLynn Thank you for your sweet response. I really do wish the best for you. It's up to you but I would recommend emailing [email protected] (Covent Garden Family Law), who specialise in situations like yours and could give you some much needed advice. They can be trusted and the number of people they've saved speaks for itself. You can call confidentially on 020 7257 6130. Their website is cgfamilylaw.co.uk. You were brave enough to ask for help so get stronger and listen to it my quiet lioness and get your life and roar back. X

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