The difference between a moody spouse and an abusive spouse

[Anonymices]

What is the difference between a moody spouse and an abusive spouse?

Can someone just be moody, entitled and self centred without being abusive? Or is this what makes someone abusive?

Everyone gets moody sometimes. I think one of the defining differences is how the person deals with their feelings. In a healthy relationship, there would be communication and reassurance. In an abusive relationship, there would be silent treatment and blame.

Another difference is that often in abusive relationships, abusers will fake being in a bad mood to punish their spouse. So their moodiness is not always a manifestation of genuine feelings, but rather a manipulative tactic that has previously proven effective.

With that in mind, perhaps the most important distinction is how their moodiness affects us. It's always unpleasant when someone we care about is feeling bad, but we should never be made to feel guilty and responsible, anxious, or like we're treading on eggshells. Being made to feel that way is indicative of being abused.

Everyone e gets moody sometimes and annoyed but abuse is when it gets really nasty and personal and sometimes physical

whatever it is - is it the relationship / person of your dreams?

Well I don’t think it’s very easy to make a line. I’d say it’s abusive when it’s focused on you, and just moody if it’s focused on them. So if they sit around looking glum constantly I wouldn’t say that’s abusive. If they fly into a mood and slam doors/scream and shout/get nasty then that’s abusive.

Either way it’s shit.

If something makes DH or I cross we tell each other we have been royally pissed off. Generally agree it’s completely warranted and move on.
In extreme circumstances one may say we are off for a walk etc to cool down.
We don’t take moods out on each other. And we don’t act to the world like
all is fine whilst treating each other like crap.

I would say it's abusive if it changes your behaviour. So if you feel you can't say or do something in case it sets him off it's likely its abusive behaviour. You're being manipulated to behave the way he wants because if you don't he'll be moody/ aggressive/ whatever to punish you.