AIBU to expect some empathy/intimacy

[Therebedragonsbeware]

NC for this, same sex r/ship for almost 9 years, for the first 5years it was great but then we seemed to hit a rough patch! Intimacy waned (not unusual in SS r/ships I know) we have discussed it and she simply says she’s not in love with me anymore and doesn’t want to be intimate with me, then we had a few years of horrendous family issues, my mum getting cancer and having to care for her 24/7, her passing away and then tragically losing a grandchild and having to take on our other 1 year old grandchild. The strain had been pretty intense but tonight on the eve of our other grandchild’s death I tried to put my arms around her and give her a kiss (not sexual more a ‘I love you thank you for sticking with me through this) she turned away, pulled away and wouldn’t allow me to be close to her and went to bed. I feel quite hurt, am I being unreasonable for feeling like this?

You need to separate before you damage each other

I think we’re already damaged with what’s happened! Weve lost a daughter, a grandchild She knows I couldn’t cope emotionally or financially if she walked away, I’m 51 and now full time looking after a 2yr old, she’s 32 and working full time to pay the bills! I worry it’s guilt keeping her here although I know she loves our grandson and would really struggle to leave him. How do we fix our r/ship? I think we’ve both become so fucking numb to cope with what’s happened

I'm going through similar. My husband rejects all affection and intimacy. I am looking to leave, I cannot go on.

Why did you even stay together after she said she didn’t love you anymore? Look at how you can separate

How could you fix it when she says she doesn’t love you? In terms of a mutually satisfactory romantic relationship it’s been over for 3 years.

You’ve been through a huge amount of trauma but that’s not a good reason to stay together unhappily.

It might well be guilt keeping her there, is that what you want?

You say you couldn’t cope financially or emotionally but you’re not getting emotional support as it is and you’d have to find a way to sort finances on your own if she left you, got fired, died.

she doesn’t love you and the current set up sounds miserable.

can’t you find a way to separate where she continues a relationship with grandson? I assume they would be preferable for you both and the child who must have a relationship with her?

You'd been through the wringer, which is awful. But she has been honest about her feelings a long time ago. You need to have a conversation about separation. I actually think it has been unkind of her to stay after she admitted to no longer loving you. A conversation is clearly long overdue.

*You've

If you love her, let her go.

Honestly she sounds like she is staying with you out of guilt only. It's no way to live for either of you.

Great advice on here already.

i am really so for your losses xxx

I'm struggling to see why you're still living with someone who hasn't loved you for 3 years?
You say she pays the bills, w he at would be your income if you were single?