Met up with new friend and our Husbands, DH wasn’t keen, where do we go from here?

[CharlotteSometimes1]

I made a new friend via a hobby, we live locally and although we have lots of differences we get on well. She’d met my DH in passing a couple of times and eventually suggested we meet up as a four and go to our local Indian restaurant. We talked about booking in mid January, but then found out that both couples had booked tickets to a show yesterday so we arranged to meet for drinks first. It wasn’t great. The two men don’t have a lot in common, but DH usually gets on with most people, and we tried to be our usual chatty selves but it was awkward. Friends DH made her the butt of his ‘jokes’ a lot and we both hate that so tried to ignore and change the subject. Luckily we headed off to the show and other than walking to our cars together at the end of the night (where he joked about her bad parking) that was that.

We both feel that it’s definitely not going to be a couples friendship and I’m happy to continue to see her on my own, but I’m not sure how to play it when I next see her. I’d like to sweep it under the rug, but what if she asks when we’re booking the restaurant? Or asks me what I thought. I can hardly say we didn’t like your DH because he was horrible to you.

I doubt she'll ask what you thought, or is this a thing? (I've never come across it)

Just make a point of making plans just you two, make excuses if she tries to plan couples things (DH has plans etc)
That will then probably shape your relationship going forward and there will be less talk of going out as couples again, without it actually being discussed

Why not? I would have said it to his face at the time.

I would just be non committal and avoid it a bit; along the lines of yes we should book it and I’ll need to check when we’re both free then next time you want to meet just suggest the two of you and go with that. We had a similar situation but I can only assume my friends DH also wasn’t really feeling it as neither of us have suggested all meeting again so that’s the issue swerved

Also though while I also dislike what he did making her the butt of his jokes sometimes that comes from feeling awkward and not knowing what to say

I was thinking that. I’d be asking my friend if she was ok. If you feel unable to mention it then just don’t, if she tries to arrange a double date again then just say your oh is busy

I really wanted to, but I was wary of how she’d feel.

im probably overthinking and yep you’re all right friends DH probably doesn’t fancy meeting again too. I’ll adopt the vague approach to any further suggestions.

Similar thing happened to my friend. My DH couldn't stand her DH because he was a know it all, tried to be funny but actually patronising, just not very warm.

The next few times i met up with her, my DH was "sick" or "working" or "busy". Or I'd say let's just have a girls time. Now she doesn't ask and we just hang out together.

It might not have been totally honest, but no one likes hearing that someone doesn't like their OH. So at least this way i have saved our friendship.

They will likely also not think it went well. If she does suggest something as a 4 just have a reason for why he can't come.

We were in a similar position, but in my case it was just evident that the wife of my husbands new friend just doesn't like me. Its fine, the men can be friends and I wish socialise with the woman only as much as needed to keep my husbands friendship smooth.