Just that really. I feel like I have completely checked-out of my marriage with DH. Turning 51 with two Dc (one at uni and one doing a levels) and together 30 years. There has been a lot that has gone on over the years that that I look back on an think I should have left. (nothing as bad as hitting or affairs - but just general him not pulling weight in anything, and there was a period of aggression and depression - although he will not really admit to any of this and say it wasn't that bad). A few years ago I put my foot down about somethings - he is now in work more (not full time all year) but there are still issues there and I don't know if can spend the rest of my life with him. I am being much more assertive with things - but this often then ends up with him saying I am being defensive or oversensitive (I never lose my temper or shout etc). I really can't win. He will say I am not loving/affectionate enough - but if I pay him a compliment he will say things like "that's not like you, why are you being nice" or "are you feeling guilty about something" - so of course I then just stop because I can't be arsed dealing with this passive aggressive shit. (of course - if I challenge it he is only joking - but this sort of thing is constant). He is a bit controlling - likes things done a certain way (I am being awkward if I do them my way), has a thing about how I look (will get funny if I go out with friends - "you never look nice of me..) Will "show" me things - for example instead of saying DS room is a mess can you ask him to tidy it (it's a whole other thing that he expects me to ask him - he won't) will ask me to come upstairs and then say "look at this - tell him to sort it out". We don't have much in common - one shared hobby but I don't really want to do it with him anymore as he gets so patronising about the way I am doing it. this all makes him sound awful - but I am not leaving with an ogre - just feel worn down by all of the little things (I feel so relaxed if he is not there). He can be super loving (although a bit love bombing at times). 30 years is a long time - is this worth throwing away or can it be salvaged? I can't have a reasonable discussion because he will either be all poor -me -victim or would get angry and all "fuck you". Feels like I can't do this for the rest of my life on one hand (dreading childing leaving), but on the other - doesn't feel quite bad enough to leave. Every day I feel like I flip from feeling one way to the other multiple times - it's exhausting and takes up so much of my head space.