Grieving a narcissist

[Everylittlehelpsx]

Hi I posted a thread the other day about me going through nearly 9 years of controlling and coercive behaviour.

I just need some help, while my ex partner is now remanded in prison to court date appearance

I feel guilty one minute then happy, then sad, I feel like I'm grieving someone who is still alive and was nothing but horrible to me and broke me down into nothing

It wasn't all bad when we first met I couldn't believe someone like him loved me, it was short lived the nice act but I worshiped the ground he walked in until the near end

I don't understand why I'm feeling all these emotions when he mentally abused and tortured me and more

I have my two children to him and I'm only staying strong for them but without them I'd be gone

I'm only 27, so he's been a big part of my adult life and I just feel so guilty and lonely and miss the old version of him that really never existed 💔💔

Is this normal or I'm actually crazy like he told me because right now I feel stupid for feeling sad guilty and heartbroken 💔

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.
Other, wiser posters than me will be along to give you advice but yes I'd say its quite normal to grieve for the nice guy he pretended to be and the future you thought you had.

I don't understand why I'm feeling all these emotions when he mentally abused and tortured me and more

Because you always held onto hope that you'd see the man you fell in love with again, and you're grieving the hope and the energy you put into maintaining it.

Is this normal or I'm actually crazy like he told me because right now I feel stupid for feeling sad guilty and heartbroken

Your willingness to see yourself as crazy and stupid is what kept you in the relationship. You need to recognise that you're a perfectly normal person, having normal reactions to an abnormal situation, and that the only thing you did wrong was to stay. In the future, if anybody makes you feel crazy or stupid, keep away from them. That's boundaries, in a sentence.

Spend your time with people you feel good with.

Change makes me uncomfortable. You’ve had a massive change.. it will take time to find yourself.. don’t rush into new relationship, just take time to realise you can are enough as you are and you are a whole person just in yourself.. you are so young, you’ve achieved so much already as a mum, just enjoy your kids, help them in education and focus on your own career.Maybe That’s enough for now.

Bless you , when you have been on the receiving end of a narcissistic personality
it takes time to heal, but you will and can
keep going forward it’s not your fault
they are sick and destructive in various degrees.NOT Your fault,
read all you can around NPD and educate yourself about this crap , it helps to understand what the hell happened, it’s huge and shocking on every level,
after 25 years with a dreadful Con man whom I believed all his lies he had taken over every part of my life , coercive control often happens in tiny pieces, you lose bits of yourself.Narcissists play with you and
destroy you for sport I would not of believed any one like this even existed,
over a year on I am finding myself again , at 60
not easy , but these NPD types are so often cunning, plausible etc etc
the hardest is the shame you feel for trusting them ,
I am a successful business woman, have worked hard and made a lot of money
my ex had been stealing for years cheating
I was paying for his whole other life , he had slowly got in to everything even had another woman posing as me in the bank
10 years before I found out who he was really
was
go no contact, you will heal plus is you’re still young ( sorry but u have after healing time)
be careful of jumping into any relationships, friendships included, hang with only really trusted, good people.
I’m finding that looking back I didn’t see who my ex was because I was raised by a narcissist mother , so he was literally familiar .
breathe trust and love yourself
wishing you a good healing journey x