Abusive addict ex - rights to see baby?

appletango3 · 2023-01-03T21:52:09+00:00

Hey everyone. I left my emotionally abusive ex when our baby was 10 weeks old. He is now 6 months old. He had cheated throughout my pregnancy and I found out shortly after baby arrived that he had been using cocaine, steroids, and prostitutes so I kicked him out and been staying with my parents to get help with baby. I made it clear from the start that he wouldn't be having baby unsupervised until he is at least 1 and if he sorted himself out. He has seen him twice in almost 4 months as he always cancels, has not given me a penny towards him, didn't even buy him a little Christmas present. I recently found out he moved straight in with another woman, who has 2 children both not in her custody, and they are now expecting a baby. He has this week been in contact saying he wants contact and will be applying for a court order. I haven't ever actually stopped him from seeing our son, I just said visits have to be supervised as he's still so little and he isn't stable at the moment. Would a court ever grant him unsupervised access if he is taking steroids and cocaine? Would they also let him have our baby around this new woman knowing she is known to social services? Sorry for the long post, I feel like my life has turned into an episode of Jeremy Kyle and I'm so worried for my little boy. Thank you xx

Littlepaws18 · 03/01/2023 21:56

If you have proof he took cocaine then he wouldn't stand a chance. I would also contact SS regarding the two children he currently lives with and in regards to the safety of his unborn child. Finally report report report anything he does. You need to form a bank of evidence to show he's unfit.

piedbeauty · 03/01/2023 22:30

@Littlepaws18, OP said that neither child lives with the mother.

Op, could you see a solicitor to find out where you stand legally?

emmylousings · 03/01/2023 22:44

The court won't allow unsupervised access. It will be organised through this organisation; www.cafcass.gov.uk. You have to participate in the process if he's on the birth certificate he has Parental Responsibility, which means the authorities start from the point that he has the right to see them; but not on their own if there is evidence of abuse or lack of ability to provide care / substance abuse etc. In the end, I bet he won't even be arsed, he's just saying it to freak you out. There are loads of forms to fill out, and then they have to meet the DC at a Contact Centre. They have to really want it! Good luck.

Hoardasurass · 03/01/2023 22:49

Ss are your friend here if this woman has had both of her children permanently removed then a phone call to them to ask for advice about the concerns you have with regards to your ex potentially allowing her around your vulnerable baby especially since she is having your ex's baby would be entirely reasonable and also has the added bonus of notifying them about the pregnancy. Social services will do a full risk assessment of both of them in relation to the child she is carrying and your dd due to therisk this woman poses (don't worry about this it will show that you are doing everything you should do). If he is found lacking in any way it will go against him if she is found lacking the baby will be put on a cin plan (bare minimum) and if he let's your dd near her he will be classed as unfit due to his inability to safeguard her from a known threat.
This will take lots of time and you will get minimal information but be asked lots of questions about your ex but it will be worth it in the long term.
Don't let him have any unsupervised access to your dc unless a court orders you to (Social services will most likely advise this).
BTW courts look very poorly on parents who are willing to put staying in a relationship with someone who has had their own dc removed from their care over the safety and welfare of their child

Original poster

appletango3 · 03/01/2023 22:57

emmylousings · 03/01/2023 22:44

The court won't allow unsupervised access. It will be organised through this organisation; www.cafcass.gov.uk. You have to participate in the process if he's on the birth certificate he has Parental Responsibility, which means the authorities start from the point that he has the right to see them; but not on their own if there is evidence of abuse or lack of ability to provide care / substance abuse etc. In the end, I bet he won't even be arsed, he's just saying it to freak you out. There are loads of forms to fill out, and then they have to meet the DC at a Contact Centre. They have to really want it! Good luck.

Thank you. He isn't on the birth certificate as he was threatening to take him when I first split up with him so I registered him without him on there. I told him I'd add him if he sorted himself out, just panicked when he started saying he would take him. Hopefully he is just saying it to scare me, I just wanted to know where I stand if anyone had been through similar or knew more about the system.

OP posts:

Original poster

appletango3 · 03/01/2023 23:04

Hoardasurass · 03/01/2023 22:49

Ss are your friend here if this woman has had both of her children permanently removed then a phone call to them to ask for advice about the concerns you have with regards to your ex potentially allowing her around your vulnerable baby especially since she is having your ex's baby would be entirely reasonable and also has the added bonus of notifying them about the pregnancy. Social services will do a full risk assessment of both of them in relation to the child she is carrying and your dd due to therisk this woman poses (don't worry about this it will show that you are doing everything you should do). If he is found lacking in any way it will go against him if she is found lacking the baby will be put on a cin plan (bare minimum) and if he let's your dd near her he will be classed as unfit due to his inability to safeguard her from a known threat.
This will take lots of time and you will get minimal information but be asked lots of questions about your ex but it will be worth it in the long term.
Don't let him have any unsupervised access to your dc unless a court orders you to (Social services will most likely advise this).
BTW courts look very poorly on parents who are willing to put staying in a relationship with someone who has had their own dc removed from their care over the safety and welfare of their child

Thank you so much that's really helpful. I'll get in touch with them. I've already been keeping a log of everything with dates hes let him down & abusive messages he sends when drunk. Just worry when he threatens to take me to court & whether I could ask for drug testing if they was going to let him have our son alone as it's really not safe.x

OP posts:

Calphurnia88 · 12/01/2023 14:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

SpacersChoice · 12/01/2023 14:41

No name on BC = no legal rights.

The process is long and no addict is going to be able to sustain it.

Its bullshit and bluster from an abuser who is continuing to abuse you.

Ignore him.

Calphurnia88 · 12/01/2023 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Please ignore, response was for another thread! I have reported.