What advice would you give

[mollyjoe]

Dont know where to start really have been with my DBF for 18 months but the past couple of months he has been rather stressed with his divorce, his dcs & works (as got his own business)but the past month has been worse as he has been taking it out on me by being mardy then telling me he doesnt want to see me then turns up or texts the same day and says he misses me etc. I have said shall we have a break (not what I want) until you have sorted your self out then says what good will that do etc. But now says things arent right between us - wont explain what he meant by that as I make him happy. Dont know what to do, do I walk away or stick with him. He also hasnt told me he loves me for 3 months.

Please advice needed as causing many a sleepless night.

for your peace of mind, i think you need to try calling it off for a bit. be strong when he texts / pops round and remind him that it's off, he can't do that. i think he's got to start taking your relationship more seriously, and realise that it's not ok to be up and down like a yoyo.

Sounds like he's using you tbh. WHich may be understandable as the rest of his life is stressful and you are obv dependable and sympathetic. I'd take a step back and have a break: he needs to treat you like a partner and he isn't

I think you know what the right thing to do is dont you?

Have a break fill your time with people who do love you and value you and be easy on yourself x

As the saying goes "if you love him let him go and he if he loves you he will come back -or something like that"

I agree with EffiePerine

I'm sorry, sounds like an awful situation

From my experience, 18 months can be a make or break time in relationships. You know each other pretty well by then, so should know whether you want it to go on or not, if if you do, what you need to do to make the other person feel the same.

He's not doing this - he's using you as a convenient crutch when the rest of his life is difficult. I agree with the others, especially if he's saying things 'aren't right' - you don't have to end it for good, but tell him you don't want to see him until or unless he can treat you more meaningfully.

Yes I know you are all right, I suppose I just needed to hear it.

Its just that he is affectionate when we are together & has asked me to go away with him for a weekend. Its hard as not felt this way about any one before & we get on so well. But I know deep down that I have to walk away before he totally breaks my heart.

. Could you use the weekend away to really talk things through, so he knows what you need and expect from him, and let him know - in the nicest way, that you won't put up with less - and that you're Worth It !

yes was thinking that but that wont be for another month, thought maybe try this weekend as DS's are off to their fathers. But I think he has got to many issues to appreciate what I have got to offer him. I think maybe its a case of doesnt want me but doesnt want anyone else to

I'm so sorry - I know it's hard, but if that's the case, you will have to be firm and tell him you want a total break until he's sorted out the rest of his life. It might just be the push he needs - he may just need time to sort himself out - and then, if he's lucky, you may, just MAY, still be available.

Or.. you may have met someone with a less complicated life !

It might work - I wish you luck.

And no one should go 3 months without hearing 'I love you'. Shame on him!

Well I bit the bullet last night & told him. All he said was I dont know anything any more & got up & walked away. Not heard from him since so thats my answer then. Didnt feel the same way as me. Why do people mess about with peoples feelings. All this I made me feel really bad about myself as he knew how I felt. Hope once the pain has gone away I can move on.

(((((((((((((MOLLY))))))))))))))

At least you havent wasted more time on him.
Let yourself have time to get over it then start going out and enjoying yourself. You are better without and now you are frewe to find someone who does deserve you!

Mollyjoe, oh, for you - but as an aged almost 50something who kissed a lot of frogs before she found her prince, I want to say you WILL be ok, and there WILL be someone out there who will give you what you need. Try to keep busy, do lots of fun things with your children and friends as much as poss, and it will pass. The important thing is you found out where you stand sooner rather than later, and don't take it personally or feel that you've failed in some way - the fact is, he's not in a place where he can be open to another relationship, and needs to be by himself and sort out his life first, before he can give anything to anyone else.

When I was sad about a man, I used to tell myself, 'This too shall pass, and it will all be the same in a hundred years'. In a strange way, I found that quite comforting.

Thank you for that Tanee58 spoke to him last night & I have made him paranoid but thats for another thread have been up all night crying, my heart feels like its breaking & I feel so sick.

Molly, all I can say is, let yourself grieve - it's a horrible, horrible feeling, but best to give in to it - just for awhile anyway. But also, be kind to yourself, give yourself little treats when you feel up to it. You are not a bad person. How have you made him paranoid?

Tan I have opened up another thread saying I have made him paranoid if you would like to look at it sorry dont know how to attach.