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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice

8 replies

Misty2007 · 03/01/2023 06:29

Good morning.
I have been with my partner for three years, we both have children from past relationships.
I can't ask for anything more in regards to support etc. we don't live together. However that was very much a plan once.
When I have asked about our future, which he says he wants. But now won't put a timescale on it.
I am trying not to be unreasonable. But when I broached the subject. I was told, this is the cards we have been dealt. He works, I work. We have kids. He is a jui jitsu trainer 4 times a week. We are busy and need to book eachother in??!!
This hurts me considerably.
Is that how you talk about you partner? Am I being difficult and rushing things. I don't think I can spend another year, with being slotted in to someone's life.
All I wanted was a loving relationship that progresses hopefully.
A female perspective would be appreciated. I feel really sad about this because I love this man very much .

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 03/01/2023 07:06

If you want to live together then tell him you want to sort this out this year and if he won’t then you know he’s not that committed to you

Misty2007 · 03/01/2023 07:08

It will be a conversation I need to have. At the moment I'm being made to feel like I'm pushing. And told enjoy the life we have and chill out!

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 03/01/2023 07:10

He already has the relationship he wants, but you don't. It sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible

WarmNuts · 03/01/2023 07:12

I would consider him a boyfriend or a FWB. Partners share finances and homes.
I don't think it's unreasonable to be hurt but it's unreasonable to waste your precious life, 3 years of it one someone who won't commit the way you want ad need to be committed.
He's not going to do more with you. Can you accept things as they are or do you want to break up over this?

Misty2007 · 03/01/2023 07:16

No I just can't accept the way things are. And we are I suppose fundamentally incompatible.
The pain it would cause because of the investment of time I have put in is what hurts me more.
I would never have committed myself if he did not want this. But I suppose he's happy with the way it is now. And I am just not x

OP posts:
JustKittenAround · 03/01/2023 07:22

You are using the word “partner” incorrectly which is a theme in the UK. Partner is wholly different than a boyfriend. You have a boyfriend.

You have a choice to make:

1, not make a choice (which is a choice) and let him waste your time.
2: Tell him your real feelings and be fully and completely prepared to walk away when he doesn’t show up for them.

YOU need to take up for yourself like you would someone you loved… is he really the person you want to waste time on? Can you be alone and therefore be a person of value? Because you are a person of value. The road to independence is hard, but not a waste… these men stay wasting women’s time.

JustKittenAround · 03/01/2023 07:31

Misty2007 · 03/01/2023 07:16

No I just can't accept the way things are. And we are I suppose fundamentally incompatible.
The pain it would cause because of the investment of time I have put in is what hurts me more.
I would never have committed myself if he did not want this. But I suppose he's happy with the way it is now. And I am just not x

I am so sorry as I know this is awful.

i can promise that being strong and realizing your worth (as well as knowing you’ve had conversations that were open about what you wanted) you WILL ultimately be happier.

so many women waste time …. I wish you a better life

Misty2007 · 03/01/2023 07:34

I really appreciate all your comments, and they absolutely make me realise that I am not over reacting.

I will absolutely take all this on board and strength is so important when making these decisions x
I'm just feeling so lost and sad at the moment! Over a man!

OP posts:
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