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Relationships

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Original poster

Is it normal to still think of ex 3 years later?

20 replies

stairsanddoota · 02/01/2023 21:28

I literally haven't seen her in 3 years.
We haven't spoken in 2
She was a narcissist or at least had narcissistic traits -she put me through hell.
At the time I didn't want to be here anymore -she taunted me,made me so sad,so jealous -made me feel worthless etc etc
She is now married (got married after 8 months with someone new ) after messing me and numerous other women around.
Now I've moved on and have been with my now Gf for nearly 2 years and I'm honestly happy-I love her so much.
I still think of my ex most days ,not because I love her,just this weird feeling of what happened -how things turned so toxic
How she is now a brand new person with this new woman.
So many thoughts In my head
I have her best friend on my SM so she will know I've moved on and she has my best friend so obviously I hear all details too.

Is this normal ?

OP posts:

Original poster

stairsanddoota · 02/01/2023 21:41

Anyone ?

OP posts:

ExFiles · 02/01/2023 21:48

I think it’s normal to think of people from our past from time to time. But if it’s every day, then that’s probably a sign of something that needs addressing.

There are periods where I think of my abusive XH every day, usually when the trauma has been retriggered but it settles down again eventually. I hate that he takes up so much headspace but equally, it is righteous anger and his actions continue to affect me and our DC so it’s not, and will never be, fully resolved so I live with it.

Do you know what is triggering you? Is it the thought that she’s different with the new person, making you feel something about yourself?

Original poster

stairsanddoota · 02/01/2023 21:50

@ExFiles yeah I think so.
How she treated me and how nice she seems to be treating this woman.
Feeling inadequate and wondering why she couldn't of changed for me

OP posts:

Tolatetotheparty · 02/01/2023 21:51

Yes totally normal. Try not to worry about it. Let tge thoughts wash over you. Don't give them power, just acknowledge them and keep moving forward. All my exes pop into my head at different points. They are part of me but it doesn't mean you haven't moved on.

Newusernameaug · 02/01/2023 21:52

I’m someone who takes years to get over someone once I’ve fallen for the, it sucks!

Id def try getting deeper into your feelings, as it’s not really about the ex, it’s about how you feel and what that’s bringing up for you.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 02/01/2023 21:55

Sounds fairly normal although daily is a lot, but I’d say it’s normal to be curious about them or wonder about what happened and why.

namechangepee · 02/01/2023 21:55

I empathise. My narcissistic ex is a different person with OW who is now his wife. I think of him often, but not daily. I couldn't get my head around how he is with her. Over the years I've gotten to know her a bit through my DC & realised that she's possibly more narcissistic than he is. So that's how it works. They are different people now out of fear. That's my theory anyway. He needed someone to be bad to him in order to be good it seems. Not an authentic way to live.

Tigger7654 · 02/01/2023 21:59

She hasn't changed for this new person, they've only been together 5 minutes, her true colours will eventually show through with the new person. She's currently hiding who she really is. When you first got together I bet she was nothing like she was when you split. Getting married after such a short time is a huge red flag.

It is normal to think of exes from time to time. I was thinking of a BF from 20 years ago yesterday but it's not normal for you to think of her everyday. You may need to speak to a counsellor to work through your feelings on what happened xx

ExFiles · 02/01/2023 22:01

I used to think XH treated his new partners better than me but then he cheated on one of them and she got in touch with me to apologise for thinking I was the ‘psycho’ he’d described me as. I also got to find out that like me, she was paying for everything and washing his foul smelling socks for him. You’d never have known it from FB though. They’re back together now but it was confirmation that he will never change.

Candymay · 02/01/2023 22:02

36 years.
36 years! and I still haven’t got over him.

CornishGem1975 · 02/01/2023 22:04

I thought about my ex for nearly two decades. We're now married 😦

Original poster

stairsanddoota · 02/01/2023 22:07

@ExFiles this is it ! When she was with me she didn't have a penny
Now she's married they are going on 4 holidays a year plus weekends away
Pretty clear who is paying for it all
It makes me laugh

OP posts:

Adeckofcards · 02/01/2023 22:07

Twelve years and he is with someone else. I always felt/still do that I was never good enough for him. Not good looking enough/not groomed enough/not accomplished enough (at all!)/not clever enough.

The truth is he was never really interested in me at all. I amused him when he was alone/bored but when I was thinking he was my dream guy, he was looking for someone else the whole time. I think its this hurt and realisation and humiliation that I think of when I think of him rather than love for him.

Original poster

stairsanddoota · 02/01/2023 22:07

@ExFiles she also said I was a psycho and all her other ex gfs have been psychos too apparently

OP posts:

Snickers94 · 02/01/2023 22:19

stairsanddoota · 02/01/2023 22:07

@ExFiles she also said I was a psycho and all her other ex gfs have been psychos too apparently

You probably think of her so much because you're not over all the things she put you through. It's hard to move on from that especially when the other person seems to have moved on so quick - like a slap in the face.

But I guarantee you life isn't all sunshine and roses in her new relationship. Don't believe social media etc - nobody knows what's going on behind closed doors.

Frazzledmummy123 · 02/01/2023 22:20

I think if we are all honest, everyone thinks of an ex more often than we should. There is a type of morbid curiosity there and especially when there is a social media connection, it makes it even doubly as hard to let go.

It is very easy to look at them in the new relationship that looks all rosy to the world and social media and question things, however you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, you are only seeing the polished social media portrayal of their lives. Give it time, and I bet same thing will happen with this new woman.

Brilliant that you are with someone new, focus on your new relationship and forget what your ex is doing (as tempting as it might be to be interested). Make new, nicer memories with your current partner.

Railwayroad · 02/01/2023 22:24

I still think of a boyfriend I had at 18. I’m now 57!

Onlylonelyontheinside · 03/01/2023 00:37

She obviously affected your life ( badly) more than you realise, you always remember the bad things in our lives unfortunately, the good things not so much…

Original poster

stairsanddoota · 03/01/2023 09:52

I was crazy about her at one point and she just broke my heart and was so mentally abusive
It's just left me with scars I think
And to see her this lovely person with someone else ...makes me question if I made her treat me that way.
If I pushed her buttons

OP posts:

Adeckofcards · 03/01/2023 09:57

You probably think of her so much because you're not over all the things she put you through

This is true for me and until I read and re-read it, in all the years, I didn’t realise this is the case. I always thought I loved him. What a revelation to start the new year. Thank you.

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