Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Funniest / weirdest OLD stories?

18 replies

dumbstruckdumptruck · 02/01/2023 19:08

Just came home from drinks with a friend who recently joined Hinge after a breakup with a long-term boyfriend in August. She went on a date last week with a guy who seemed absolutely lovely and perfectly normal over message – interested in her, funny, thoughtful... then she arrived at the restaurant for dinner. He was already there, had ordered a bottle of wine for the table. As she took her first sip, he grabbed her other hand and, while looking deeply into her eyes, started singing "This is the first day of my life" by Bright Eyes. 😱

She laughed, tried to take her hand away, tried to start a conversation, and he kept going.

She said the waiter came over when he was somewhere around the second verse and conveniently interrupted, but she was on edge for the whole rest of the meal waiting for him to pick up at the chorus 😂

I of course had to share the story of the time a very handsome Italian guy gave me a panicked look after coming back to mine after drinks, ran to the bathroom, and then had to leave because he'd 'had an accident in his trousers'...

What funny, mad or weird OLD situations have you found yourself in?

And no, I'm not a DM journo – just genuinely looking for a giggle on a cold January night 😃

OP posts:
purpletowelette · 02/01/2023 19:16

These aren't OLD though, are they? Just first RL dates.

Misses point of thread

morethanspice · 02/01/2023 19:18

I went on a date with a guy who took me to a shopping centre. He said he’d just pop into the pound shop for a few things. I waited outside on a bench and got the ick when he reappeared clutching the biggest multipack of toilet roll I’d ever seen 😂

againstalloddsss · 02/01/2023 19:21

I remember some funny dates (haha and weird) when old 10 years ago.

The worst was a girl turning up 15 minutes late, when she only lived a 5 minute walk away. Didn't apologise but just said "blame my parents, they are always late and I have their genes"!!! Mmmmm

Then we sit outside the pub and within a few minutes her work mate walks past and they proceed to have a chat between themselves for 10 minutes, while I sat there and twiddled my thumb's and eventually got my phone out!

Then, during the 2 hours she proceeded to get a bit drunk and gave vibes of having a drinking problem.

But enough was enough and I eventually made excuses to leave. As it was dark, I offered to drive her the short distance home and, while I proceeded to pay my parking charge at the machine, she had got into my car and let rip, but couldn't open a window until my keys were in the ignition.

Needless to say she was a real keeper 😁

blondebanana · 02/01/2023 19:28

Went on a tinder date with a pilot who just wouldn't shut up about being a pilot. He never asked me a question or talked about anything else. It was a breakfast date post-gym and at the end of the date he looked me up and down and said "wow, you really don't need to go to the gym" and winked.

crackofdoom · 02/01/2023 20:10

I suppose my worst story is the date with a man who had been widowed for a couple of years. Towards the end of the date he told me that this was the first time he'd gone out without wearing his wedding ring and promptly burst into tears 😬

ShakespearesBlister · 02/01/2023 20:31

I moved miles away from the town I grew up in then 40 years later I got chatting to a man online and after a few exchanges I asked him where he lived. He gave the name of the town I grew up in. I thought no way! So I asked which estate. He gave the name of the estate I grew up on. I thought ok this is getting weird now. So I asked what door number he lived at. He gave the door number of the house directly opposite the house I grew up in, which was my childhood friends house I played in as a child. He bought the house from them years after I moved away. I never met up. I felt too weirded out by all the coincidences.

overthinkersanonnymus · 02/01/2023 20:35

My sister went on a date with a guy who asked her if she wanted to go for something to eat after being in the bar.......he took her to tesco and asked to pick what ever meal deal she wants

FlibbertyGibbitt · 02/01/2023 20:38

Talked to a fella online years ago. He said for our first date he’d be wearing black slacks (😱) and a yellow t shirt.

Gave him the benefit of the doubt and met him. Knew as soon as I saw him in the. Car park t’was a no no but thought it rude if I didn’t go in.

got in the pub where he told me to buy my own drink - fair enough, told me how he lived opposite his ex wife and could see into her kitchen and that he’d wanted to run her over in his car.

Lastly he said I’d got big feet ( I don’t ). It was a no for me !

supercali77 · 02/01/2023 21:51
  1. Guy turned up absolutely shit faced and told me his parents were deaf, proceeded to talk to me in what I think was sign language for much of the night
  1. Guy asked me who greatest innovator was. I said I didn't know. He said Hitler. He said he invented the early form of the Internet (ok weirdo)
  1. Guy serenades me in my kitchen with Noel Cowards 'Don't be beastly to the Germans' (not the same guy as Guy 2)

There are more but ill leave it there for now. I did my time!

ShakespearesBlister · 02/01/2023 22:47

@dumbstruckdumptruck I of course had to share the story of the time a very handsome Italian guy gave me a panicked look after coming back to mine after drinks, ran to the bathroom, and then had to leave because he'd 'had an accident in his trousers'...

Eeeewwwwww The Italian Job! 🤣🤣🤣

MyCatIsAFuckwit · 02/01/2023 23:16

@FlibbertyGibbitt
Soooooo, funny!
I'm sorry but that made me proper giggle 😄

58percent · 02/01/2023 23:24

Years ago, went on a first time date with a OLD guy in London. We'd been chatting on the phone for a few weeks so we already knew a bit about each other but as we sat down in a pub for a drink, he pulls out an estate agent listing of a house he's just bought. Tells me he's pretty sure it'll be 'our' house one day because 'God' had told him he was to marry me. Hmm

coleslawsuzy · 02/01/2023 23:28

I had one date who told me he'd left his wife because she'd a) gained weight during pregnancy and b) had spent more time looking after their chronically ill son than paying attention to him, the husband (and father of the poorly kid!) 😬

Another guy regaled me with his best anecdote - it involved his mate KICKING a sex worker because she wouldn't drop her rate. My date thought it was the funniest story - he was howling laughing while I sat there stony faced.

Another man recently got REALLY irate with me not being able to meet him over Xmas, despite us only matching on Xmas eve (he initially suggested we meet on Xmas DAY!).

I have more stories but I worry they're too outing! I honestly think there's a business to be had out of a finishing school for terrible daters. Maybe I'll go on Dragons' Den?!

tappinginto2023 · 03/01/2023 14:13

coleslawsuzy · 02/01/2023 23:28

I had one date who told me he'd left his wife because she'd a) gained weight during pregnancy and b) had spent more time looking after their chronically ill son than paying attention to him, the husband (and father of the poorly kid!) 😬

Another guy regaled me with his best anecdote - it involved his mate KICKING a sex worker because she wouldn't drop her rate. My date thought it was the funniest story - he was howling laughing while I sat there stony faced.

Another man recently got REALLY irate with me not being able to meet him over Xmas, despite us only matching on Xmas eve (he initially suggested we meet on Xmas DAY!).

I have more stories but I worry they're too outing! I honestly think there's a business to be had out of a finishing school for terrible daters. Maybe I'll go on Dragons' Den?!

No thanks!

They don't need to be taught how to mask their psycho tendencies.

Keep them out in sight.
It's quicker & safer that way.

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 14:50

58percent · 02/01/2023 23:24

Years ago, went on a first time date with a OLD guy in London. We'd been chatting on the phone for a few weeks so we already knew a bit about each other but as we sat down in a pub for a drink, he pulls out an estate agent listing of a house he's just bought. Tells me he's pretty sure it'll be 'our' house one day because 'God' had told him he was to marry me. Hmm

If someone in London did this now, he would probably be considered quite the catch!

honeylulu · 03/01/2023 15:07

Not OLD but met a guy at my friend's engagement party. We went out about 3 times and each time he'd bring the conversation round to our mutual friend which I thought was a bit odd when it kept happening. Then we went out on a double date with her and her fiance and he spent the old time trying to flirt with her and completely ignored me. He was astonished when I didn't want to see him again. "But my mum and dad really like you" he said. Shame you don't I should have replied!

honeylulu · 03/01/2023 15:11

Another one. Met a guy in his early 20s. Had a few dates including going to watch a film at his. He lived with parents and his bedroom was still very teenage (red and white 80s stripy wallpaper etc). His mum always seemed a bit cagey when I was there. Then it dawned on me and I asked him "do you actually live here? ". It turned out no, he was married with a child but his mum provided cover for him to date other girls on the side!!!

Never got as far as shagging him thank god!

aynsleyred · 03/01/2023 15:33

honeylulu · 03/01/2023 15:11

Another one. Met a guy in his early 20s. Had a few dates including going to watch a film at his. He lived with parents and his bedroom was still very teenage (red and white 80s stripy wallpaper etc). His mum always seemed a bit cagey when I was there. Then it dawned on me and I asked him "do you actually live here? ". It turned out no, he was married with a child but his mum provided cover for him to date other girls on the side!!!

Never got as far as shagging him thank god!

Oh. My. God. Read that with an open mouth 😮

New posts on this thread. Refresh page