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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you do with your partner?

12 replies

PercyPigs1 · 02/01/2023 16:25

My DH and I have realised that gradually as life has got busy since having our daughter and our jobs have remained demanding, we're struggling to find quality time together. We find it hard to find time to do things as a couple as our DD has some anxiety issues and not many friends do she's often with us. No family nearby either. She's essentially become our common interest. We think we need to find things to do together more so we'll enjoy each other's company again, have some fun which will help us connect more emotionally and physically. Before she was born we had a dog which was a big focus (he's since died and we're not able to get another one at the moment) and we'd go out sometimes to the cinema etc but it's not like we did a lot then. We don't have loads of disposable income or live near a big city with lots of culture which is a bit challenging. We do like walking as we live in a rural area but since Covid I'm less mobile. I was wondering what other couples do to stay connected with each other? I'd really like to improve this for us as I think it makes us more like housemates a lot of the time which isn't great.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 02/01/2023 17:13

Get a babysitter and go to the pub .
Go for a walk .
Go for a meal .
Bike ride .
Depends what you enjoy . If you’re not outdoors people then your list will be different

LovingTheAbbreviations · 02/01/2023 17:16

We have a toddler and he is also our main convo! So I bought a game type thing called The Art Of Conversation - cards with diff Q’s on them that bring up lots of different topics, some deep, some trivial, some boring, some interesting. We skip the ones we can’t be bothered with, but the others do bring up conversations that spin off into other things and although we’ve known each other decades we still find out new interesting things about each other’s lives and it can be a nice bonding experience. Hope that helps! Xx

IncompleteSenten · 02/01/2023 17:18

We take the piss out of each other, mostly.

We communicate a lot over WhatsApp in ridiculous GIFs even though we're in the same house.

Talk about general life admin shit.

I'm housebound through disability and our two adult sons live with us and are also disabled so our expectations of time as a couple are nice and low 😁 but you know, you make the fun however you can. For us it's pissing about.

frozendaisy · 02/01/2023 18:15

You improve it together.

We discuss current affairs, we ask our kids how they feel about x, we have always loved debate and expanding our knowledge base so read individually but discuss together.

We play board games, do crosswords, find TV we all enjoy. Cook new dishes, read internet memes, do a jigsaw, garden and DIY, draw paint, listen to and play a bit of music. Do a bit of exercise when the kids were learning to swim we spent half of Saturday swimming, half cooking, eating then a film almost every weekend.

What did you do before? Who were you that made you both want to have kids together?
Try and find those people again.

Sidalee7 · 02/01/2023 19:45

Things we do:
Go for long walks
go to the theatre/cinema
go out for lunch/dinner or just a coffee/drink
watch films/tv at home
chat about work/current events
cook together - I find this really bonding and makes cooking so much less stressy!

UsefulSmartPrettyHappy · 03/01/2023 17:30

Crosswords
Boxsets
Scrabble
Coffee shop or restaurant trips

I8toys · 03/01/2023 17:33

Go to gigs - introduce each other to new music, comedy, theatre.

I8toys · 03/01/2023 17:34

Oh and plan holidays.

cheapskatemum · 03/01/2023 17:51

Walk
Go for a curry, or get a take away curry
Watch football on tv
Watch certain box sets. The latest was 1883.
Plan holidays & go on them.

That is pretty much it, but it works for us.

Twen · 03/01/2023 19:29

I play video games with my partner
Go to gigs
Out for meals
Walks
Spa / health club
Badminton
Gym
TV films
Socialise with friends
Music

PercyPigs1 · 04/01/2023 06:39

Thanks all - some great ideas to start us off here! I'll chat to him about some of them and plan something for this weekend!

OP posts:
gannett · 04/01/2023 06:47

We don't have loads of disposable income or live near a big city with lots of culture which is a bit challenging.

Bring the culture to you! There are so many online film rental options, TV shows, theatre performances. No, it's not the same as live culture but it's still good, and good enough to bond over or at least talk about.

Food and gardening are good ways to bond if you can't get out much. You need to cook as a family anyway, so you can research new recipes and cuisines, start a project to work your way through a cookbook, and do all that together. I'm a fairly useless cook compared to DP but I love hanging out with him in the kitchen helping him chop, weigh, stir, put tunes on etc.

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