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Relationships

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How do you define a relationship?

11 replies

babyg23 · 02/01/2023 12:47

Name changed as may be outing with other posts.

Situation in short is this- fairly long term relationship, expecting a child together. Broke up officially early in the pregnancy, however both have wanted to work things out (I would say the male has done most of the chasing though) and for most of the pregnancy there have only been a couple of weeks here and there where there has been no communication.

They have continued to speak mostly every day, spend time together in public and in private, have been sleeping together the entire time. For the most part not much has changed from them being an "official" couple, however the female moved back into her own house so there is less time spent together over all.

As time has gone on, whenever the female has queried certain things such as plans to do with when baby is born etc. the response of the male is that this is unfair as "we haven't been in a relationship since X date" and "I've never asked you to be my gf again and you've never asked me to be your bf".

Female feels this is wrong as although neither have ever officially asked each other to be "bf/gf" or "back together", she feels they have carried on a relationship as such, albeit an on/off one it is still an ongoing relationship. Of course she isn't trying to force him into a relationship now and has backed off giving him the benefits of the relationship that he claims isn't one, however she finds his definition quite juvenile.

Wondered what other peoples views are on this?

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 02/01/2023 12:50

You’re not in a relationship. He has told you this straight out to your face. You’re an ex girlfriend and an FWB.

Shoxfordian · 02/01/2023 12:59

He’s taking the piss
She should stop seeing him, don’t put his name on the birth certificate or give the child his surname

babyg23 · 02/01/2023 13:03

@ShandaLear of course he's made that clear now.

But for the past 5 months has been telling the woman he loved her every day, good morning and goodnight texts when they aren't together, as well as carrying on in the way described above.

Woman didn't think relationships in your 30s and when expecting a child together were so childish as "you're my gf and you're my bf".

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 02/01/2023 16:36

The male thinks what is unfair when the woman has raised questions about what will happen when baby is born? I think the answer lies here somewhere - is he avoiding commitment to arrangements for the baby? I think the woman should cut her losses here and see if he does any leg work for her and/or the baby.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/01/2023 16:41

The situation will become much clearer if you replace the word "male" with "fuck boy" and "female" with "naive woman".

ShandaLear · 02/01/2023 16:48

babyg23 · 02/01/2023 13:03

@ShandaLear of course he's made that clear now.

But for the past 5 months has been telling the woman he loved her every day, good morning and goodnight texts when they aren't together, as well as carrying on in the way described above.

Woman didn't think relationships in your 30s and when expecting a child together were so childish as "you're my gf and you're my bf".

None of that matters. He doesn’t see himself as in a relationship with you. It’s convenient for him to have sex with you and have the boyfriend experience with you, but he’ll be off as soon as someone else comes along. He has told you, you are not a couple to your face. Believe him.

babyg23 · 02/01/2023 20:10

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers yes avoiding commitment as in- any talking about child maintenance or paying any money towards the child when born is "unfair" as in his view they are "working on the relationship" and he wants to raise baby together.

But at the same time asking him to contribute towards preparation for the child and buying things needed before the baby is born as I suppose a couple would is also "unfair" as according to him they "aren't together and haven't been since X".

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/01/2023 20:12

He wants sex without being tied down. He's using 'the woman'

babyg23 · 02/01/2023 20:14

@ShandaLear yes- very clear on the fact he's said they aren't together!

However the woman in the scenario is asking if it was wrong of her to feel that they were in some sort of ongoing relationship this entire time?

OP posts:
WarmNuts · 02/01/2023 20:17

He seems to think he is being FWB with the pregnant mother of his child. Very odd. I would have have taken the making up as resuming being a couple.
I think you need to have a conversation about what it is you are doing and what you both want going forward.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 02/01/2023 20:57

Ah yes, there you go - he just doesn’t want to pay for his child or commit to any clear role in baby’s life. But wants the sex in the meantime. The rest of it is just waffle. You need to draw the line and say that you’re not ‘working on the relationship’, you have separated and he needs to pay towards the preparation and care of his child.

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