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Original poster

No affection in marriage

7 replies

Thethirstyone · 02/01/2023 11:58

New poster. I’ve been married for 4 years in a relationship for 13 years, I’m 40, he’s 50, with a severe health condition, which I knew about when we got together. The first 9 years of our relationship we were both heavy drinkers, but after an accident this stopped and now we don’t drink at all. The problem is we don’t really do anything. We don’t go out, we don’t show any affection, we haven’t had sex in 7 months and conversations aren’t exactly riveting. I feel like I’m slowly beginning to detest everything about him. Do I stay with him because of his health issues and try to reclaim our relationship, or was it just built on the foundation of two drunks who found common ground and companionship amongst the empty beer cans. Is it time to leave and begin to find myself again, I keep thinking there’s more to life than this, or am I just a horrible person.

OP posts:
Icecreamandapplepie · 04/01/2023 00:35

Bump in hopes someone will come along with a useful comment

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 04/01/2023 00:37

I don’t think there’s enough information here to tell you to stay and try to get out of your rut, or to throw in the towel and leave. That’s a pretty monumental decision for one paragraph! Have you thought about talking to a friend or a therapist about it?

ClaryFairchild · 04/01/2023 01:26

Someone's health issues should be irrelevant to your decision to stay with them.

If you were to meet your DH right now for the first time would you be interested in him? Would he be able to charm you? Would you be sexually attracted to him? Could you have interesting conversations?

Don't stay with him just because you are married to him.

berrylands · 04/01/2023 04:32

so you ended up with someone that had a health problem over a shared love of drinks. Now that you don't drink you discovered you don't enjoy talking, don't share affection, don't do anything together and don't have sex. And you are asking if you have to stay with him because his health hasn't improved in the 13 years you've been together. Did I get this right?
Only a woman would ask this question!
Don't waste your life in a miserable situation. Nobody is going to give you a medal for this.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/01/2023 04:36

I'd kill to be 40'again and sure as hell wouldn't waste those precious years in a perfunctory, lackluster relationship!!!

Trust me, you don't want to be 60 and looking back wondering "why have i wasted my one precious life???"

GreenManalishi · 04/01/2023 04:49

*Do I stay with him because of his health issues
*
Said nobody ever before going onto live the most fulfilling thirty years of their life.

You try to reclaim your relationship if you want to continue it. Not because you once made a decision and you now feel like you're stuck with it forever.

Value yourself and your time and decide what you want to do with the second act of your life.

JustKittenAround · 04/01/2023 07:12

Have you brought up the lack of sex? What did he say?

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