how selfish and ignorant is your husband?

[freesoul12]

My husband went out yesterday afternoon to play snooker for 5 hours while I was in the kitchen cooking special dinner for new year's day. We have three young children. I rang him once to ask when he is likely to be home. He spoke nicely over phone but later at home , he said I am controlling him. All I just phoned him and asked him ( when he returned home )how much does he spend on his hobby (which is two times a week)I don't think so it's controlling but correct me if I'm wrong.

It’s not controlling as such but it’s not great communication- I’m cooking dinner for 6 so be back by then would probably be clearer
Why do you need to ask about the hobby money? It does sound like you’re acting more like his parent than his partner

Look, you've penned a very dramatic thread title, and then given a fairly banal scenario to justify it (which unfortunately got a bit mangled in the telling re the phoning).

It doesn't matter what other posters' husbands are like. What is your husband like?

Does he pull his weight with his children, the home, your relationship, his job, finances, etc?

@Shoxfordian : I just asked casually about the money as he is carry on moaning he cant carry on affording certain things. I am not saying: I am always right but I can see your point that I might have come across acting like his mother.

I wanted to ask some general things about husband, calling them etc is acceptable. While I was typing , I got really emotional and ended up writing this. I feel quite upset from yesterday.

He pulls his weight around the house but with forever moaning that he did this and he did that. Like the other day, he ordered KFC for the family as he wanted to order for himself but later on saying I ordered it as he wanted to make my life easier. I never asked him to do that.It's such a blame game everyday.
I am trying to understand my behaviour as well as he is saying that he is the way he is because of my controlling behaviour.

It’s about how he acts as the child meaning you feel you have to respond as a parent

www.emotionalintelligenceatwork.com/resources/parent-adult-child-model-basics/

If he can’t shift into being an adult then it can’t really work

@Shoxfordian thank you for the link

I wanted to ask some general things about husband, calling them etc is acceptable

Who do you think makes the rules?

This is like asking whether eating sprouts is acceptable; some will say yes, some will say no. If 100 people tell you it's acceptable to eat sprouts, will you eat them, even though you hate them? No, because it's about you making a decision about what's acceptable for you.

Take responsibility for yourself; other people can't make decisions for you about what is acceptable to you in your life. Nobody but your husband can make decisions for your husband about what is acceptable to him in his life.

If his standards are pissing you off, it's on you to sort that out, via clear communication and clear boundaries. If that doesn't work, you are mismatched, and you need to deal with the consequences of that.

There is no right or wrong, outside of laws. Everybody has a different version of 'acceptable', and you need to respect yours.

OP also needs to shift into adult mode, as she is externally 'parent' and internally 'child', currently.