Being an introvert and moving in with boyfriend!

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Hi all,

Just wanted to come on here for advice! Me and my boyfriend have some tentative plans to move in together in the coming year. However, I worry that (as a very extreme introvert who needs lots of time alone to recharge) I won’t get enough time alone. Whenever we’re together, he sticks to my side like glue, and I feel awful if I suggest I go for a walk alone, or just go and read by myself for a bit. Or when we get in bed together, sometimes I just want to retreat into my own world and read a book, which he doesn’t understand. We’ve already had problems surrounding his need for sex 24/7, and he’s expressed disappointment with (my suggested) schedule of sex on average 3x per week. Within a week with him, I feel like I’m going insane, having to always “entertain” someone else.
I know I sound really selfish, but I do really need a lot of time just by myself. How do other introverts navigate this problem?

Whenever we’re together, he sticks to my side like glue, and I feel awful if I suggest I go for a walk alone, or just go and read by myself for a bit. Or when we get in bed together, sometimes I just want to retreat into my own world and read a book, which he doesn’t understand. We’ve already had problems surrounding his need for sex 24/7, and he’s expressed disappointment with (my suggested) schedule of sex on average 3x per week. Within a week with him, I feel like I’m going insane, having to always “entertain” someone else.

This doesn’t bode well for living together.
He should understand your needs for time alone and respect them fully. Even encourage you to be alone reading of whatever you enjoy if he notices you are getting drained.
He shouldn’t be pressuring you for sex at all.
You should feel really comfortable around him and not like you are entertaining him.

Im an introvert too. If you still want to give it go, here is some advice
Have a space that is yours that you can retreat to whenever you need - ie you have a sofa in a spare room that is your reading corner so he can be watching telly without you being in the same room.
Encourage him to go out without you from time to time.
Have regular things you do by yourself outside the home.

Why on earth would you think you'd be happy living with someone like that? He doesn't respect you or your boundaries and your lives together would be utterly miserable.

He sounds like a clingy, controlling sex pest. I wouldnt be moving in and personally reconsidering whether this person is a good fit for you.

How long have you been together. I refused point blank to live with ANY of my boyfriends as I liked my own space so much. I only live with DH as we had a baby and I'm not doing all that work on my own.

Whether one is an introvert, extrovert or shades of grey, everyone needs time to themselves and that is not unreasonable.

Do not move in with him! You will be miserable.

I am an introvert but I do exist quite happily with my extrovert husband. We don’t specifically make time for me to recharge my batteries, it just happens naturally, during companionable silences and for example at the moment he is upstairs tidying and I am downstairs crocheting.

So I am really not sure this is anything to do with introversion, I think you are just incompatible if he drives you mad with clinginess after two days and he appears to be a sex pest. I don’t know why you are even thinking this is going to work.

I had the same worries before I met anyone I wanted to move in with. But when the time actually came, it was simply not an issue as we were compatible. I'd do my thing and he'd do his thing. Neither of us felt pressured to have more sex than we wanted.

That stressful feeling you have when he's about is not introversion, it's just stress.

Your relationship won't work longterm. You are total opposites when it comes to this, and you also have different sex drives. I think he will drive you crazy and you will eventually see him as a sex pest, if you don't already.