Climbing Down

[Ouch4321]

Eeek I've fucked up. Well, sort of. Close family, background of trauma but evening out a bit now.
I am not perfect - have depression, not really satisfied with my life at all but taking steps to change but am generally pretty pleasant, help family members, do childcare and am an integral part of my family.
Family discussion last night about something completely different but it ended up with my family targeting me saying that I'm basically a big misery to be around, my children are suffering etc etc. It's difficult to explain without being too outing but they are my closest friends and I feel like they have had all these negative opinions of me for years and it's all just come out. Some justified, some unjustified. But I don't think I'm any worse or any better than them - we all have our own struggles, I think I've just been more open with mine and it's come back to bite me.
Part of me wants to just say "fuck them all" and retreat. But that would cause a huge family rift which I don't want. How do I effectively "climb down" from this situation? I feel like I've been disrespected, and I feel betrayed and hurt.

Bump!

we all have our own struggles, I think I've just been more open with mine and it's come back to bite me.
I think I'm like that too Op and I suspect my family could do the exact same thing, so you have my sympathy. As I've got older I've got more boundaried with them and more able to put on a front without feeling like I'm not being honest, IYSWIM. Maybe this happening might help you to do that? I honestly think these things are always a tricky balance and there's no right way.

Them saying that your children are suffering is a bit low though. Hopefully your children benefit from the fact that you are sensitive to suffering and don't try to be happy clappy?

@heldinadream Thanks for your reply :)

Yes, it's such a fine balance. I feel like I've shared (over-shared?) my emotions, and they have now just seen it as weakness and pounced.

I've really been thinking about whether the kids are actually affected, trying to be objective. But, genuinely, they are happy little humans, with a great life and loving parents. Of course I snap at them sometimes, I'm human, but no more than any other parent I would assume?

It's just so hard to move on from. We have all spent some more time together in the past couple of days, and I've just felt so awkward.

Can you create a bit of distance for a while? Are we talking about your siblings or parents or what? Maybe you need to grow away from them a bit?

I love your description of your children - happy little humans! You must be doing a lot right you know.

Siblings - very close knit family. It's a vicious circle because, if I create distance, I'll be accused of playing the victim and creating a drama.

I tried yesterday to get out of a family new year's gathering and was basically emotionally blackmailed to be there by my Dad (a relatively neutral party) and told it would create more gossip etc if I didn't go, and that my kids needed something to do. They didn't, in fact, they are tired after Xmas and were happy just pottering around with me! After the event I felt like the ice had been broken a bit, so he wasn't wrong about that, but it's the lingering, long term effects of everything that was said which are hurting.