I'm in turmoil and confused.
Bit of background. Been in a relationship 7 years, one 4 year old together.
Found out partner had cheated at the beginning of the relationship. Don't want to focus on this too much but he was dating and sleeping with women (all he pursued) he's told numerous lies since. Worse still is how he treated me since. Won't discuss it because it angers him and he knows it makes him look bad, instead tells me and others I'm mentally ill.
There is more to the relationship but I don't want to go into too much detail.
Things have been difficult as my self esteem is non existent, trust gone and he refuses to reassure me. Told him all I want is for him to say he loves me and he says "I shouldn't need to tell you". To make it clear, I don't ask this often at all.
I think he plays on my insecurities. I don't stop him going out or anything like that. I'm finding it hard to cope with the lies but if the past gets brought up , he gets mad; tells me insecurity is very unattractive and threatens to leave. This happens regularly.
I know the relationship is a disaster but I don't want to be told to leave, I'm not ready. Why I'm posting is for he current situation...
Had partners Xmas family get together 2 days ago at his dad's house. The morning of this he made some comments about me and I (wrongly I know) said something about his cheating. Had a bit of an argument but that was that. Carried on normal the rest of the day, had photos together etc.
I went to bed at 12 that night with our son. He text me at 1am something about me being mentally ill and said "unless you apologise for bringing up the past, our relationship is over".
I didn't reply because it was late, I was half asleep and it was more of a face to face conversation. In the morning, he woke at 11.30 and I had to leave to pick up my eldest child from his dad. We do live together but this get together was at his dad's and I had to leave tlwith our child to collect my eldest.
Before I left partner barely spoke to me and my son said "daddy isn't coming home".
We said goodbye and I left.
Didn't hear from him until 9pm when he asked me to say goodnight to our son (he stays away fairly regularly and never texts this).
He then text me later asking if my son was better and how was I etc. He never asks how I am and generally talks at me!
So by now I'm confused. I'm too scared to bring up what's going on because it'll cause an argument but I've felt sick the whole day and heartbroken, panicking where I'll live etc.
This morning he texts and asks if he should book a light show for us and the kids and then go to Rachel and Dave's (his friends) in the evening. I say we will come over to his dad's, do the lights and stay the night. He can take our child to his friends (his friends daughter loves playing with our child) and I will stay at his dads with eldest who is recovering from illness.
I arrive and he asks for a kiss, is normal with me, hold hands during the light show. However, he's made comments that insinuate he isn't coming home and is staying at his dad's. For instance, sons phone is broken and he said "you should have brought it for me to fix" and I was going to ask his eldest child if he wanted to come over to spend new year with him and our child.
I know I need to speak to him but I'm scared to hear the answer. Plus I can't say anything without him getting angry, so didnt want to ask anything in front of the kids.
I'm feeling shit.
On one hand he's said via text that we are over if I don't apologise but he often threatens to leave. He wouldn't usually then not come home but he was messaging more friendly than usual.
He has form for threatening/saying horrible things and carrying on as normal. Surely we wouldn't have come over to do stuff as a family, kissed etc if we are not together but I don't think he's coming home.