Going into 2023 newly single after LTR - support group.

[OnTheRoadAgain1]

Very newly single after an almost decade long relationship.

Anyone else in the same boat and want to support each other?

I know I've done the right thing but I'm still sad, scared for the future and worried I might end up dragged back in out of fear of the unknown!

No IRL support (family didn't like him!) and I'm determined things will be better next year - but right now I'm not sure how to do that!

Here…. I will join u!
xmas was hard….
my marriage ended last march…. It’s been a right year untangling and stabilising the kids.. I started saying far too soon after the split and it was merely a distraction for me.
hence the pain I’m in now!’

so yeah… single! Determined to stay that way but quite lonely x

Sorry to hear that

Do you have plans tonight? I have my kids here barring one but we're not doing anything. Will have a small toast at the bells but very chilled out (we're not even in the same room at the moment - teenagers!) then bed soon after!

Hoping to start the New Year a bit more confident about the future so thank you for joining!

No, im
alone this eve. They are at their dads. I didn’t split the Xmas and new year fairly for myself really. Oh well, lesson learnt for next year.
im going to bed now, the thought of ‘feeling’ something on midnight scares me. I’m trying to be optimistic and hopefull…. But I am just scared of the unknown like u
xx happy new year

Could I join too, 4.5 yr relationship ended a week before Christmas. He text me to say it was over.

We'd got plans on Christmas afternoon too which obviously didn't happen.

Spent the evening with my children tonight, takeaway and Netflix. They are in bed now and I'm struggling to sleep because of next doors music.

@Grenola I'm having to drag my teens in the living room just for the bells! No one is really bothered with it. Other teen is at his Dad's (not recent ex), we just let them choose what they're doing. Split up when they were young so it definitely does get easier!

@cathythegreat So sorry to hear that Lovely to have you with us! (PS your ex is a dick!)

@cathythegreat sending hugs xx its hard isn’t it, knowing that only time will help heal us x

Sending you all loads of love. We'll get there

Happy New Year ladies! I'm excited to see where we are this time next year, current feelings will be a distant memory! We can do this! Xx

I’ve recently broken up with my (now ex) BF of 3 years just before Xmas. I had planned to do it after Xmas but he came over unexpectedly and picked up something was wrong and kept pushing until I said ‘let’s talk after Xmas’ and he realised what that meant.

We’ve been friends since school so a very long time and he’s a really lovely guy so I’ve been putting off breaking up for a while, the guilt of hurting him holding me back. Everyone loves him and we run a hobby group together so I know people will be disappointed. I’ve already had my family telling me how lovely he is and how sad it is even though they knew I wasn’t happy.

My main motivation in breaking up is that I’ve realised I need to be on my own to work through past trauma and codependency. I’m nearly 40 and have never spent any meaningful time alone. Also, my girls didn’t like him being in our space all the time and I want them to feel comfortable at home, especially since they’ve also experienced trauma. I’m happy for it to just be me and them while we navigate the challenging teenage years.

It’s going to be difficult to handle the next few months though as I sense he hasn’t really accepted it’s over. He keeps making excuses to come over and then won’t leave, a tactic he used this time last year when I similarly tried to break things off until he had his feet back under the table again. I can’t risk that happening again so know I need to be firmer with him which is something I really struggle with (people pleaser). His living situation is precarious at the moment so he’ll probably want to leave all his stuff at my house which gives him an excuse to keep coming over. My next step is to get my key back from him.

I feel trepidation but also excitement at what this new year will hold for me. I’m looking forward to having a lot more free time to focus on the things I want to do. Happy New Year - hoping it’s a better one for all of us!

Thanks for the thread! ✨

Got let down for the final time by the man i’ve been seeing for the past 2.5yrs. It was long-distance and not always easy but he absolutely promised to visit last week then left me hanging with radio silence. Not heard anything at all from him since last week Tuesday. I now need to go NC with him to get over him but i’m still really missing him! Genuinely thought this time round he’d come through and we’d spend some of the festive season together!
Spent NYE with friends/myDS and the dog which has been brilliant. Getting back to reality without him in it is going to be really tough! Wishing you all a Happy New Year and a lot of strength/luck for 2023!!!!

@ExFiles
well done for being brave….. it’s so hard when they play the ‘nice guy role’
the giy I was dating after my marriage ended for a few months did this. And it’s really taken me some strength to extracate myself from him.

I have a good counsellor helping me thru my past trauma and the need for me to get into relationships to quickly.

we can support each other and have a chuckle along the way!!

first day of this year, I’m determined to ward off any negative thoughts today.

@Naimee87 then getting back to reality will be tough BUT will be easily in lots of ways getting over heartbreak

my boys come home this afternoon and I can’t wait’

x

Sorry I'm only getting on to this thread now and also only to moan...ex has been in touch to wish me happy new year and offer to help me out. Something that he could easily have done when we were together but couldn't be bothered. My first ex did the same, everything I wanted to do (family days out, sharing housework, doing things also as a couple) wasn't important but as soon as I ended it, he could do it?

I declined the offer and I know I'll seem petty but it's getting me down tonight. I just want him to go away. It's not as if I didn't try my best for years explaining the same things, I'm done so please let me heal! He's still not mentioned the real issues, basic partnership stuff which would have been so easy to do if he cared when we were together.

Sorry, this was supposed to be a supportive thread to encourage each other! It's messing with my head a bit. I would prefer NC but can't due to kids.

Thanks @Grenola. To be fair to him, he is a genuinely good person but I’m increasingly feeling that even the good ones have massive issues that they’re just not good at dealing with in contrast to the vast majority of women who manage to keep their shit together despite everything. He was messy, disorganised, self employed but bad at running a business so always skint, has MH issues and a physical health issue that he neglects and was impacting on me. I tried to help him with all these things but I’m done trying to save men from themselves. I’m saving my energy for myself and my girls. To his credit, he hasn’t contacted me for a couple of days so I hope he has accepted my decision.

I left my abusive XH in 2013. I’d been with him since age 17 and he convinced me nobody would want me so I went a bit crazy when I realised that wasn’t true. Ended up having a couple of LTRs but with the benefit of hindsight, I realise it was too soon. They were good relationships for the most part though. One still calls me periodically trying to meet up even though he’s since married so I’ve lost all respect for him.

@OnTheRoadAgain1, they always do this don’t they. Try to reel you back in with the behaviour that you wanted them to show all along. Well done for not falling for it. It’s much harder when you have kids, I think it’s because we have the ‘family unit’ ideal rammed down our throats constantly. I much prefer being a single mum but my XH is not involved anymore and the girls don’t want to see him after years of him using contact to continue the abuse. Could you insist that communication is by email for a period of time while you get some emotional distance from him?

@Naimee87, ah, that’s shit - I’m so sorry. Good for you for refusing to accept it and realising you deserve better. Of course you will miss him (I know a LDR is a nice distraction!) but keep yourself really busy and those feelings will pass x

I had a long distance relationship for a couple of years. When I broke it off, he moved to my area then pressured me to keep seeing him. Eventually it fizzled out but not before I’d spent a fortune helping him financially. I’m such an idiot!

God, relationships go from simple and feel good to complex and layered…. And all of a sudden you see how u happy you are. Trying extricate yourself from one is then the things that causes stress ect…. Men I have found are never what they seem. And it had messed with my head too much and require far too much energy. When u have little kids you just don’t need another big version of them! All the energy and compassion we should give to ourselves ends up going into them or the relationship, we end up neglected and damaged.

in swearing down right here, with you as my witnesses 😂😂 I’m not doing it again!!! I will only let a flash up develop if it adds something to my life. Not just beaded in my feelings…. And they must be independent/self succulent and emotionally resolved!!

Apologies for typos!!! Kids draining my attention 😂

@OnTheRoadAgain1 hopefully it helps getting all your feelings out on here and there are bound to be easier days. Taking the kids feelings into account is also really important for them so you are doing the right thing. I never involved my DS really but he can see how disappointed i am even if i’m trying to hide it as best i can. I guess only time and riding the emotions out can help!

@ExFiles He moved closer to you oh boy!!!! I think the LD of 3-4hrs away is the one thing that will help me get through this. He works fairly frequently in my city but lives in another country and doesn’t do a job where i would ever be able to bump into him. He was the best distraction i loved seeing him and spending time with him. But his words just stopped matching his actions. I feel so sad/disappointed but at the end of the day definitely did the right thing. @Grenola not quite at the give up stage completely but definitely staying super super single for a while now.

Can I join? Not exactly newly single, split 10 months ago, together 18 years. Approximately 95% of the time it was abusive. No contact, injunctions because of violence etc, one DC together (no contact either)
I have family and friends but very little practical help. Trying to get me and DC settled and stable before I even think of moving on but God, it's lonely at times.