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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to be no contact with sibling.

2 replies

MotherOfDragon20 · 31/12/2022 17:44

How to people manage going NC with sibling if their parents are still alive?

I have one brother and for many many reasons I made the decision to go NC. The reasons I suppose aren’t really important but involve, violence, treats of violence, intimidation, drugs, alcohol etc. my mother is still very much involved (over involved?) in his life and treats him like a child who holds no responsibility for his actions, although I find this very frustrating I’ve accepted that at the end of the day he is her child and she can’t see things for how they are.

The problem is that my mother and I are still very close (see each other most day, helps us with childcare, and is a great support to me and my family) but she can not accept the decision I have made and is always putting me on the spot asking if he can come to dinner, come to family gatherings that I have organised and discussing him with me when I have asked her not to. I end up feeling guilty and like I’m the bad one and don’t really know how to negotiate this.

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 31/12/2022 18:03

I think just having boudaries and being firm with her. Find a phrase and repeat it over and over. Something like “I’ve told you I don’t want any contact with him”.
Possibly you could even get very firm and end conversations with her if she tries to pressure or guilt you.

Try your best to avoid feelings of guilt and keep focused on why you broke contact. Sounds like your mum is an enabler and I assume she will prioritise your brother over your needs. So you need to prioritise your needs.

Cherrysoup · 31/12/2022 19:59

As ^^ says, tell her to stop talking about him and be really firm. ‘I don’t want drugs and violence around me or my dc, mum, why can’t you respect that?’ Repeat as necessary. I had to basically tell my dm that my not so ‘d’b used to beat me up when she moaned on about us not having a relationship.

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